The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Benji Dude
Hurry Up! (Revised)
This is hugely re-written and updated.  Hopefully this version will be more pleasently recived than the original. It's pretty much your standard boy finds genie story but with a slight twist.  As always both *.doc and *.txt are included for you reading pleasure.
Average Scores:

Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 2

I understand the be sequences but why does everyone overplay the whole sexslave-without-a-personality thing it just makes story boring. Other than that I thought the story was pretty good,although like other people said proof read please

Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 3

Not the most terrible writing, but the whole "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" aspect of the entire story lacked a great deal of appeal. The writing wasn't bad, despite the odd phrases that were shouted out. A suggestion on your descriptions, don't use bra sizes so much, they don't give a very accurate mental image, instead compare them to everyday objects so that it's easier to envision.

Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 2

Please please please proof read. Don't just spell check. Hay is for horses. Hey is the word to use when speaking to another. I don't mind the brief flings , but maybe amend his wish granting power so that anyone who makes a wish increases lust toward the wish granter or increases their libido ingeneral or something along those lines.

Overall= 2, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 2

Story was way too long and rambling. Expansion too inconsistent.

Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 2

Like the idea behind the story, just needs a little work.

Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 1

It's alright if you ignore the fact that there is even less originality than before if the reader is at all familiar with Bust Artist's 'Wishful Thinking' comic strip: IMO you're outright ripping ideas from it with the odd original sniplet thrown it; keep doing it and you'll likely attract some unfriendly legal attention... BTW, remember to check your grammer: there were more noticable mistakes with this revision than there were with the original and your sentences were too long at times (too many commas).

Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 1, Technical= 2

Luckily I did have the Busts Artist's work to suply a visual image but all of the characters were too complacent. It seemed to easy to just snap the finger and be instant slaves.

Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

Hell I liked it.

Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

Good overall story idea. Need to proof read the end product. Keep the ideas flowing!

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
Due to comment spam, any new posts with http in them will be destroyed.
Your Nickname:

Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

Overall Enjoyment(How much did you like the story overall?)
1 2 3 4 5

BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
1 2 3 4 5

Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
1 2 3 4 5

Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
1 2 3 4 5

Your comments on the story: