The Overflowing Bra

I understand the be sequences but why does everyone overplay the whole sexslave-without-a-personality thing it just makes story boring. Other than that I thought the story was pretty good,although like other people said proof read please

Not the most terrible writing, but the whole "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" aspect of the entire story lacked a great deal of appeal. The writing wasn't bad, despite the odd phrases that were shouted out. A suggestion on your descriptions, don't use bra sizes so much, they don't give a very accurate mental image, instead compare them to everyday objects so that it's easier to envision.

Please please please proof read.  Don't just spell check. Hay is for horses. Hey is the word to use when speaking to another. I don't mind the brief flings , but maybe amend his wish granting power so that anyone who makes a wish increases lust toward the wish granter or increases their libido ingeneral or something along those lines.

Story was way too long and rambling.  Expansion too inconsistent.

Like the idea behind the story, just needs a little work.

It's alright if you ignore the fact that there is even less originality than before if the reader is at all familiar with Bust Artist's 'Wishful Thinking' comic strip: IMO you're outright ripping ideas from it with the odd original sniplet thrown it; keep doing it and you'll likely attract some unfriendly legal attention... BTW, remember to check your grammer: there were more noticable mistakes with this revision than there were with the original and your sentences were too long at times (too many commas).

Luckily I did have the Busts Artist's work to suply a visual image but all of the characters were too complacent. It seemed to easy to just snap the finger and be instant slaves.

Hell I liked it.

Good overall story idea.  Need to proof read the end product.  Keep the ideas flowing!