The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Shamus Baran
Boob Note (Part 1)
A 10,000 word short story (one of three parts).

Chris, a waiter and college Junior, finds a mysterious notebook in the back room of his restaurant.

To his surprise, it holds the power to enlarge or shrink breasts without any risk of detection.  Doe Chris use it for the good of mankind?  Or is it just a tool to score him some tail?

Maybe Both.
Average Scores:

Deviant Art bot
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
This story continues in many variants here

Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4

Excellent way to start a story, looking for much more.

Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

a good start to the story, waiting to see what's in the next instaltment

Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

One of the few stories I liked

Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

A good start to a good anime-inspired story. Characters were solid, but you had a lot for the place not being busy. And your Chinese guy only spoke in broken English sometimes. Sexual content was a little light in this first installment, but I can't wait for the other two.

Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

Enjoyed it! Looking forward to more.

traveler's traveler
Overall= 5, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 4

Entertaining and you set up good premise. More description and perhaps his an explanation why women find him so pretty. You get the sense he doesnt get why but never understand.

Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

As a fan of the original manga, I like stories based on this concept. However, in deference to the manga, there's a few things that could have been carried over from that series that would've made this a better story.

1. In the manga, the person with the book has an ideology about death that drives the story forward. He feels there are too many people in the world, and that he will use the book to become that world's god. Punishing the wicked by killing them. Justice from on high. This person finds such a powerful tool, but he has no such imagination or aspirations. Instead we spend the entire time in one building, and he tells people about it right off... I think it would've been more interesting if the main character had some kind of idea on how to use the book to change the world to fit his idea of a "better world".

2. In manga, the protagonist has no morals or compunction about what he's doing. This protagonist seems way to moralistic to effectively use such a "weapon".

3. In the manga, there are are set of rules within the first page of the book, that reveal themselves as the protagonist uses them. The rules form a sort of structure that the book adheres to.

4. In the manga, acquiring the book reveals a demon/ghost/shinigami. There's no such being attached to this book.

... hmm I could go on, but you get the picture. I guess I would've enjoyed a few more nods to the source material than what was here.

Otherwise, thank you for writing. I always love these sorts of "omnipotent power" type books. I hope that you choose to continue it, as I would love to see what happens next.

Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

I think the other comments are fair judgement already, and while I enjoy more descriptive growth I enjoyed it all the same.

Guy Incognito
Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 4

I echo most of what everybody else is saying here - while it is "Instant" growth, there's not much to it. There are minor characters that you could leave out I suppose as well, but I think you've got something going here for sure. Should be a good one once you get really rolling with it.

Overall= 3, BE= 1, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

I noticed two big flaws - you switched from third person, to first person, and then third again early on, as well as lackluster breast expansion description (as in, there wasn't much if any.) Hoping it picks up steam though.

Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

So this was fun and flirty, but there doesn't seem to be any coherent plot, there's no actual sex (or lactation), and it mostly seems to be a bunch of cup sizes thrown onto a page. The girls are fun and aggressive, and maybe you're working up into either the sex or the plot. You could have dropped a number of minor characters without harm. The writing was technically fine. My suggestion for the next installment (this does not seem to be a complete story) is that our hero should give himself a set of big boobs temporarily. Fair is fair.

Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

Actually fun to read all the way through. Good characters and clever ideas. Wish you went a bit more in depth on the BE though.
Looking forward to part 2.

Miss Lany
Overall= 4, BE= 1, Characters= 4, Technical= 5

The story is well written and there's a lot of nice character interaction and setup. The main character is kind of a Mary Sue with all the women practically jumping on him, so anyone expecting more than just a fun little fantasy might not be as interested.

Biggest complaint is the lack of any real BE description. There's like a dozen instances of BE in this story and literally all of them are just 1-2 sentence descriptions, most of which just tell you the cup sizes and move on. There's enough characters introduced here to tell a lot of smaller stories in later parts, but not much happens so far in this one.

That and a few weird writing quirks (it shifts between first and third person a few times, for example) are the biggest concerns, but it's a promising start.

Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

I really like this story, it has depth, where you can enjoy the characters. It doesn't go to fast either with story. I enjoy story more than anything. You really know how to blend the two together, where i want to keep reading more. I hope that you make a second edition to this. Thank you.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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