The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Shamus Baran
Of Titmice and Men
A story I made for a writing contest.  For you literary nerds out there, no, it's not a mice and men fan fiction.

(Names were changed from the original file.)

A twenty something girl gets a weird package she (or her roommate) didn't order and things get out of control thanks to a mischievous little invisible mouse.

Average Scores:

Overall= 2, BE= 1, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

This was pretty sexy but you need to work on your description of both action and BE. I dont really care about the unrealistic characters, you can ignore those complaints pretty safely on pure smut stories.

Miss Lany
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 3

The BE and story seemed very quick and poorly justified. More like you just played around with the characters rather than writing anything of significance. I don't mind pure smut stories, but this one was just instant BE with a weird premise that went nowhere in the end. Could be done well with more thought put into it.

Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 2, Technical= 4

The actual writing was good, and I enjoyed the growth, but the characters are jarringly unrealistic. Is that really how someone would react in that situation?

Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

This was a good read but fizzles off at the end due to lack of description of the growth

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

Overall Enjoyment(How much did you like the story overall?)
1 2 3 4 5

BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
1 2 3 4 5

Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
1 2 3 4 5

Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
1 2 3 4 5

Your comments on the story: