The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Shamus Baran
Keepers Log
A digital log found while exploring a hastily  abandoned research station.  It was covered in unidentified semen and human milk. 
Average Scores:

Opinionated Fool
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

Google up "keepers diary" and "resident evil" and you'll find the source material for this. While it is a mildly amusing concept to take horror and convert it from zombies to bimbos, the source material is rather scant, therefore the result is rather scant.

There really isn't much to rate. Taken out of the context of the whole of the original source it loses impact. I really can't have a strong opinion on this, despite my pseudonym, so I'm going to give it a series of noncommittal threes across the board.

Beachball Boobs
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

Too short and boring!

Shaums Baran
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

This is short and terrible, an obvious joke off the keepers log from Resident Evil. I used it as upload test for the public submissions.

Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

Log-style or "found letter" narratives are always hard. I don't think it worked particularly well for e.g. Dracula. The idea that the characters are habitually dropping whatever they're doing to write down a narrative is not necessarily workable for dramatic situations. In that sense you were screwed before you started, but what you have is still unbelievably bad. There's no world-building or character development, or even any smut. We have low standards here, we're not expecting or wanting "War and Peace" and we're predisposed to be interested in the subject matter. You still need to write so that other people will be interested in reading. Most especially you need to give people reasons to care about what happens to the characters. I don't want to get too much longer on this critique: this is a truly terrible piece of writing and doesn't really deserve a lengthy dissection. I strongly recommend reading about principles of storytelling.

Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 3

i like the concept, but it's just to short and honestly a bit barren.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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