A new shop opens near Whitmore High. Bethany, a student there, meets her first new friend in awhile and gets more than she bargained for. What do the shopowners have in mind for the unsuspecting girl?
This is my first story of this kind, and I know it isn't perfect. Thanks for reading!
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.70
- BE: 4.10
- Characters: 4.20
- Technical: 4.60
Blossumming
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Hope 2 see much more of Bethany soon!!!
Krafles
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
can't wait to read more from this author
Chris Yohn
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Fantastic story. The main character has a confident, well-defined personality. The author must be as smart as his (or her) characters. Great attention to detail. The description caught my interest. This is my cup of tea fur sur. Cant wait to read more. My jaw dropped at the end.
babum
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 3
I don't want to spoil the ending. I'll just say not my cup of tea.
kabut
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
I thought this was a fantastic first effort. Everything I liked in one story, just great. I felt like Bethany's character could have been fleshed out a bit, the school scene seemed a bit rushed. I would love to see more of the same.
Good Job!
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
Good writing, very solid grammar and story. I enjoyed it a lot as reality, BE and Hourglass are my favorite 'genres'. The only thing I could mention are more detailed deacriptions of her breast, butt and belly size as she changed. Anyways loved the story, looking forward to any future works.
CrashO
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Billphil
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
Awesome story would love to see more parts!
ThatGuy8620
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
Great start! Love reality altering stories and the changes you chose so far are some of my favorites! Keep it up! Would love to see what else will be 'entertaining' about this curse as she put it at the end ;)
muh
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
i love where its going to.
i am curios to read more.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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