ghost_of_christmas@yahoo.com
[BE] | REWRITE / SECOND EDIT | 7 Page story | -EXTREMELY STORY DRIVEN- | This is the second version of SEogB ( Sacrice Everything or go Bust) It makes A LOT more sense with explanations | Story follows the live of a princess in distress in a -very- BREAST SIZE orientated world. | Small lesbain scene is still mostly the same | This was edited by friendly request; i.e. the only type that works | REQUESTED REVISION | SMALL VERY BUSTY GIRL included as is my signature character type| HTML included but NOT advised | ( now with less grammar errors and a logically explained story :P | Please enjoy!
Average Scores:
- Overall: 1.43
- BE: 1.57
- Characters: 1.43
- Technical: 1.29
Shay
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
Ghost, please consider e-mailing me at silenceXserenity87@gmail.com - I am an English major, and am willing to help you. I think your stories are sexy and wish to do what I can to improve them for our mutual benefit. <3
Nick
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
Also, putting "Extremely story driven" in capitals in the story description doesn't automatically make it true. There's hardly any story at all in here, sadly... much less that actually makes sense.
Jak8714
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
I normally try to avoid using negatives when commenting on anthers work...but damn! If I may, I would suggest you locate a contemporary work of fiction and read the crap out of it. And then find another one, and repeat, because as much as i hate to say it, you appear to have only the most basic grasp of such concepts such as grammar and plot. I hardly expect a Masterpiece, but even if you can 't make it good, at least make sure it's spelled correctly.
Jobber
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
Again quite poor. Please find a native speaker to proofread for you. Then get some practice at writing.
At the very least, spend more time on each story. Posting large numbers of them in a short time period is a good way to annoy readers, and a good way to suggest that you don't care about what you are putting out.
Geoffk
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
I don't know why RTF wouldn't work for you. I can't believe that you're seeing excessive file sizes with RTF and less than 10 page stories. Anyway, if you're using Libreoffice or Openoffice, you can also save the file as PDF, which would preserve your formatting and be easy for others to open. That would be a useful alternative.
Nico
Overall= 2, BE= 3, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
I've read worse, but still, this needs some work. I also have english as a second language, that really isn't a valid excuse - either you learn to write well in the language, or you switch back to your own until you're well-versed enough to write in english.
And please, you can't EXPECT someone to volunteer to proofread for you. This is a self-publishing site, of sorts, which means that either you contact someone to proofread it for you yourself, or YOU proofread it. Just waiting for someone to up and contact you is just downright lazy.
Ghostly
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
Thank you all for responding, albeit some rude worded.
I am an adult with english as a second language.
I have yet to receive a proofreaders E-mail address, sadly.
I hope HTML supplies to the needs of those with Dated WORD versions.
( In my opinion HTML looks better than Txt to read, I'm sorry )
I have already tried RTF but the files kept becoming to big for some reason.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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