The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

SSK (Silent Soul Ken)
Pleasure Island Ch. 3
This is Silenteye but I will now be going under the name Silent Soul Ken or SSK. The reason for this is to unify all my stuff under one name. So Silenteye, Soul Teller and Kentenko are me. Now for the summary of events.

Naruto and Hinata are trapped on an island. Hinata has noticed slight changes in their behavior and body. Suspicious she goes to find the cause. Naruto tired of being stranded to one part of the island decides to explore the mountain. Will Naruto climb the mountain? Will Hinata find out what is wrong with her and him?
Average Scores:

Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
i liked the story are you going to finish it
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

where are the fist 2 chapters

Overall= 2, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 1

Punctuate, punctuate, punctuate! I want my breath taken away by your fantastic storytelling, not your lack of commas. It kind of ruined the appeal for me. And if you can't manage storytelling, some more BE would be fine.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

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BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
1 2 3 4 5

Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
1 2 3 4 5

Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
1 2 3 4 5

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