The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Crashing of the Bridal Shower
If you have a problem with reading "docx" files, really, just google a free reader and don't rate me a 1 "because you can't read it". I prefer this format. Besides, I don't think the pictures I've included would survive a change over to another.

This story is 33.k words long and was a part of a story that was complete at 112 k words. Unfortunately, the flash drive got into the laundry. :-(

It did drag on, so what you have is the best part, and it's sufficiently a story on it's own.
Average Scores:

Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

Disconnected narrative; riddled with errors; formatting is bizarre.

I might have been inclined to give you a better rating if you hadn't had such a bad attitude in your story description, but you decided to start things off on the wrong foot. Microsoft Word and OpenOffice and LibreOffice all have the capability to save in the 97-2003 DOC format; there's no point in talking to your audience like that just because you don't want to be inconvenienced by clicking "Save As" instead of "Save".

Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

Your story is probably nothing special. Why would I waste 10 minutes of my life looking for software that can open it?

Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 2

Decent story. Could've been formatted better. If the spacing, font, grammar, and layout had been a bit more consistent I would've rated it higher.

Joe Average
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

The story description gives no clue what the story is about. Many grammatical errors. No one cares for your attitude. The use of punctuation needs work. I took 1 point off each category for the ridiculous descriptor, and another for the repeated mistakes throughout.

Overall= 2, BE= 1, Characters= 2, Technical= 2

This story wasn't really for me, and I don't usually rate stories if this is the case, but here's the deal: Comic Sans is an abomination of a font, and everyone should know this by now.

PS. For those who can't read .docx files, get with the 21st century. This format has been around for more than five years, and OpenOffice does, in fact, read it.

Could Read
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 2

I couldn't open this document (I don't have MS Office, just Open Office). I am able to open other DOCX files, but yours doesn't work for some reason.

Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

Don't be such a prick. You completely discouraged me from even wanting to read your work with your opening words, so it's 1's for you buddy.

Not a Prick
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

I'm not a pretentious prick like the rest of these jackasses.

Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 2, Technical= 3

Let me begin this by accentuating the positive: The transformation descriptions were good overall, with enough variation to appeal to just about any taste. I actually thought the pictures were a nice touch, but then again, they did not cause any formatting issues on my computer. The visual appeal enhanced the story and offered a quick summary of the transformations I would be reading about in that particular section, allowing me to quickly locate favorite scenes after I'd finished reading the entire work.

I understand the author had some technical issues, but there's never an excuse for spelling and grammatical problems that affect the story's readability. Some mistakes are expected in stories this size, but you should really be proofreading before submitting your work. It's a kindness to the audience, and to yourself, as very few things disengage readers from an otherwise great story as quickly as glaring spelling and grammatical issues.

The writing style itself was fine, although I would suggest in the future trying to find creative descriptions that did not consist of so many sentences beginning with the word "then" (i.e., Then her breasts grew larger. Then her hair became a platinum blonde. And then she became uncontrollably horny.). I understand the desire to share every detail with the reader, but this can actually interrupt their enjoyment of a story as they try to navigate large chunks of text. There are some breathtakingly good lines in here, and they would shine if they weren't sharing so much of the stage with unnecessary exposition.

While those are relatively minor issues, I do have two major gripes. The first is that about 1/2 of the way through the story, you interrupt the flow to describe why you wrote what you wrote. If you felt there were something in the story you needed to explain, it is less intrusive to include it at the very beginning or the very end. At the very least a footnote would have sufficed.

The second major gripe is the shift in tone of the story during Linda's section. The fact that you interrupted the text to explain it indicates that you were also aware of the nature of where it was heading. I'm no stranger to using dark story lines myself, but the key is to remember WHY you are writing what you're writing. If you are writing erotica, it is jarring to read a very graphic description of physical trauma. It is difficult to get into the right frame of mind after that.

While there are issues with this story, I see a lot of potential here and would like to see you continue writing. This story is a very good first draft to what could be an excellent final copy, if you have the patience to go through the entire process of reviewing and editing it.

The tl;dr version: It was a great outline marred by grammatical mistakes and a plot that swerved into unreasonably dark territory.

Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

It'd be nice if an author could respond to this section without rating himself. That being said I did like the constructive feedback from Jobber. On my Windows word, the pictures were always off to the side. Something went off during the upload I suppose. The "silly weird font" is comic sans, I kind of thought it was easy on the eyes. Those weren't meant to be ellipses, they were meant as a pause during speech. What would you use if a person was thinking of a proper response ----, or ====, or _____, while talking?

In any event it wasn't too much of a submission I have to admit. After I lost 6 stories (three was stolen along with my laptop, and the other three to laundry). I submitted this partial instead. I'd be more prolific and "punctual" if I didn't keep losing my stories in the first place.

Overall= 2, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 1

Not a bad story overall, but technical quality is pretty poor. You've put some of the pictures in the middle of lines which makes it very difficult to read those sections. It doesn't help that the whole thing is in a silly font with weird, inconsistent paragraph spacing.

Also, you need to work on grammar and punctuation. One example is that you try to use tons of ellipses, none of them are ever in the right places, and anyway an ellipsis always has three dots (not eleven).

And I've taken off 1 point from every category because your story description does not describe the story.

Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

C'mon man, don't waste the description with such useless ranting. I don't care what format YOU prefer. If you think writing is about what YOU prefer, find another profession quick, before you're disappointed,.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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