Same story, just gone through and polished up, CLIFFHANGER GONE! Plus a little somethin extra at the end.
Some "script" was left, i liked how it read, but most is gone, body proportions, check, i think. . . overall i am fairly pleased with it, although it doesnt have as much BE as i would like, and it still might not flow as well as it could. Hate it or Love it, let me know what you think.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 2.00
- BE: 2.00
- Characters: 2.00
- Technical: 2.00
Me
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
Your summary isn't a summary, just an author's note. I find it amateurish and annoying. So sick of authors posting twelve copies of the same story, then using the summary block to input huge, blathering personal notes no one could care less about. Didn't read. I'm already unimpressed.
deus
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
It's a good start, but it could still use some cleanup. The most obvious thing is to use quotation marks around the words that people are saying. Also, you could add some description of the breast sizes when they start at the farm vs. later on. It seems like they are bigger, but you don't say. It seems like the first part of a longer story.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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