The Overflowing Bra

What the hell? This is among the worst written things I've ever seen.

As others have said, your writing style is so long and drawn out that it prevents you from understanding what was actually happening.  Some of your sentences would qualify as an entire chapter if you broke them up, and i had to read the multilayer metaphors no less than 3 times each to figure out what you were saying.  Yes, elaborate writing has a place, but this just seemed to be elaborate just for the sake of being elaborate... times 5.  And if the names were taken from some other universe (anime perhaps?), a reference for those of us who may not have seen/heard of your spurce universe might help perspective. Otherwise, names like Doink simply serve to distract from the story you're trying too hard to tell.  They might as well have been named Megatron or Zzyzx.
Not trying to be mean... just tone down the comparisons and pick some more normal names, and your next story will be better.  My first story on here wasn't exactly stellar either. Keep trying and you'll get better.

This thing's turgid with some of the purplest prose I've ever seen. Your descriptions are so overblown and overly elaborate that they actively hinder readability. It's very difficult to get a sense of where anyone is or what they're doing.
Also, by the way, it's super gross. Eels aren't the most erotic animals and they're famous for their lack of rigidity. Not the best way to describe a penis, even if you're into that sort of thing. Use positive descriptors when trying to entice your audience.
And the characters are non-entities. If they don't seem interested in their situation, why should the reader?

I can see there's an idea for what you wanted to do with the story, but it feels like you mashed everything together quickly.  Next time just take your time and make it more readable.  It reads like "I want this to happen, then this, then this!"  I do agree on some of the names.  Some of the names were too silly to be read sexually. 

You are trying far too hard to be clever and literary.  You're trying to be a poet and that is actually distracting from the message rather than enhancing it.

Brevity is the soul of wit, obscure descriptions are not.

I couldn't even understand it, much less enjoy it.

Just... not very good. You've got grammar problems. Your tenses don't agree. Characters have no personality and the names are so silly as to be distracting. Perhaps there's some good story there, maybe, but what I could find under the technical problems wasn't worth the effort of looking for it.
And anyway, if you ever find yourself describing a penis as a "pudgy eel, replete with sack," you need to stop right there and try again.

Enthusiastic, but sporadic. Also, the names were a bit distracting from the story.  Not my cup o' tea.