pakled05@hotmail.com
And that's it for a while. Everyone else should get a chance. Two hours later, you'll be horny again...;)
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.14
- BE: 3.86
- Characters: 3.86
- Technical: 3.86
BB47
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Very enjoyable. As always, you develop a clear, concise backdrop for your storyline and introduce "nice" likeable characters who I always end up caring about. Would like more explicit details, more inner dialogue, and more conflict. I don't care about the spelling or grammar, just keep writing and make it steamier.
ktc
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
I'm just tired of giving you 5's so I'm nitpicking more this time. Your description of BE while good could have used more, I feel even just explaning how far she has to reach for her nipples to be better than "My boobs are growing and ohgawd does it feel good". The writing was a little confusing (by a little I do mean a little). I can't even properly complain about your writing, since all I can recall disliking was not knowing how big she got. There are some hints in the sex scene I suppose... just keep doing what you do.
pakled
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Thank you all. Yes, obviously I don't speak Chinese; I'm of an age that predates Pinyin to Wade-Giles...;)I'm of two minds on human proofreaders; I do a read-over, plus run it through MS Word Grammar and spelling checkers. I actually do catch some things there So while I'm not perfect, I suppose whatever mistakes made are continual, i.e. they're the same mistakes made over and over.
Been reading a few books about writing, and probably can find some reference material, hopefully the problems are with dialogue, where people are often purveyors of bad grammar. Still, 'there are some things up with which I shall not put! - Churchill...;)j/k...;) Not sure how I'd get a human as editor; that's more in the line of Liter...well, another web site
pakled
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Thank you all. Yes, obviously I don't speak Chinese; I'm of an age that predates Pinyin to Wade-Giles...;)I'm of two minds on human proofreaders; I do a read-over, plus run it through Words' Grammar and spelling checkers. I actually do catch some things there So while I'm not perfect, I suppose whatever mistakes made are continual, i.e. they're the same mistakes made over and over.
Been reading a few books about writing, and probably can find some reference material, hopefully the problems are with dialogue, where people are often purveyors of bad grammar. Still, 'there are some things up with which I shall not put! - Churchill...;)
Gobbles
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
As usual, I enjoyed this story that you wrote. However, have to do a little nitpicking. The one major thing that always throws me off when reading your stories is the grammar slip-ups and the typos. I would suggest that you run your work by a human proofreader, not just a machine one. Also, your pinyin (the chinese sound system) is a bit off in this story. The term you were using for foreigner is spelled guilao. I would suggest using this term though. It roughly translates to "white devil" and is considered a derogatory term for foreigner in the chinese ex-pat community. You might want to try using laowai, or waiguoren or waijiao. Those 3 are more acceptable and don't have overtly negative connotations attached to them.
I'm looking forward to more work from you. I've enjoyed every story that you've written.
deus
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 5
This seems like a good first chapter on a longer story, so I hope you write another part of it. It would be nice if there was a little more description on the BE; I wasn't sure how much, and how fast at several points. Also, there are a few minor typos. Overall, I enjoyed it.
Goly
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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