therearenogoodloginnames@gmail.com
Masturbation made Marra into a sexy red-head. More to possible come. Four page story. Happy fapping!
Average Scores:
- Overall: 2.43
- BE: 2.57
- Characters: 2.14
- Technical: 1.71
TheNewNo2
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 2
Please learn to count. That is THREE pages, not four. I found the characters uninteresting and the constant switching between first and third person to be annoying. Choose one.
bacon
Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
Good story! Could be improved, but I'm excited to read on. Good to see a fellow Redditor on this site.
cptnstup1d
Overall= 2, BE= 3, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
The constant switching from the 1st to 3rd person narative distracts from the poorly developed characters and sloppy plot development. You had some really nice ideas here that were let down by limited writing skills.
Fox
Overall= 2, BE= 4, Characters= 2, Technical= 1
First or third, don't keep switching. Otherwise it has promise.
trikis
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 1
Okay. Now for some *real* criticism.
Clean up the writing. Read it out loud. The story doesn't *flow*, and the abrupt shifts in perspective made me lose interest immediately. You have a story idea, but it lurches from point to point. Flesh it out a bit.
supersoaker3k
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 3
fgh
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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