belle0887-stx@yahoo.com
I read this story on my lunch break and it was so bad that I just HAD to do something about it. So, I quickly rewrote it substituting Timmy's Aunt for his mom and cleaned up the story, spelling and grammar as best as I could in 1 hour. Credit for the story goes to DirtyMind, not to Foogo. Everybody do me a favor and re-read it just one more time and see if it plays out better. Timmy's a lucky little bastard. Don't forget to rate/comment. -BB47
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.08
- BE: 4.08
- Characters: 3.75
- Technical: 4.00
Eddie
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
Love it. There's a ref to Dani's son that should be nephew.
a fan
Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
i do love it, hope for more. the story is so hot that I couldn't soft my shaft.
Sucker4Boobs
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 3
That first paragraph really grabs the eye!
YashmenHalfcountess
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Sagger
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
BB47
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Ok, I'm ready to do the second part, but which way do you want it - with or without the belly/fat growth? Next comment after this one gets to decide.
omega
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Anonymous
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
As usual amazing story. Thanks for removing the weight gain stuff, makes the story worth reading.Can't wait for the next part!
Pantslessjoe
Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
This was defiantly much easier to read than both the original and foogo's version. One thing though, can we bring back the weight gain? Its the only reason I even bothered to stomach the first couple versions. I'm also glad the incest has been taken down a notch. Keep it up.
Gojira
Overall= 3, BE= 5, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
I enjoyed the dream sequences. they were a creative touch. her tits reaching watermelon size was also grand. I would work out a smoother ending next time.
Russian Judge
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
Yep, grammar is better (although there are still faults with it) and it's readable now. However, if you want to continue, please try to give the characters some...character. There has to be more than horny mom (er, aunt) and horny son (nephew) going on here. Like, who sent the pills, whether the duo want to share the pills, with whom they share and why...given the simplicity of the original you could do a lot with this.
a fan
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
i really like it. you should continue it. i think yours is better then foogo
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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