Well, you got immagination I'll give you that. But please you have to learn to write English better. It is painstakingly obvious that English is not your native language.
It would help you greatly in that regard if you start reading a lot of english. If you feel books are too dificult, try reading the stories at www.Fanfiction.net or a site called twistingthehellmouth.
While these stories can contain errors in grammar and such, almost all of them are better than your current level. When it comes to grammar and sentence build, I mean.
Storywise, i will reccommend that you try to show more of the characters feelings about what is happening to them. You also need to give them a distinct personality that the reader either like or dislike. This way, people will be more responsive to the story. Sentence build is important to get the story flowing. As it is now, your stories reads like random strings of thought,just barelly connected.
Finally I will recommend that your characters never grow boobs bigger than half their body size. More than this, it wil become ridiculous. Besides, it will seriously limit what your character will be capable of. Remember, she will have to drag the things with her, wherever she goes. If she only sits in the sofa, or lays in the bed, she will become a very boring character. Well, that is just my oppinion. There has to be more than BE in a story for it to become interresting. It doesn't have to be much more, but you need to at least have some semblance of a storry to hang the BE on.
Okay, I will stop now. Sorry, I may have gone a little owerboard here. Anyway. Don't give up writing. It is seriously fun. My main advice for you, is to read, read a lot. That is the way i sorted out my English. While it is by no means perfect, it is heaps better than before i started reading English.
Keep up the work, and I hope to see your improvement in a little while.
