naughtychaswick@gmail.com
Marsha O'Malley has everything, or does she? A rash decision and magical mayhem confuse the usually confident, cool wife of a banker. What does she really want?
Average Scores:
- Overall: 3.33
- BE: 3.33
- Characters: 3.33
- Technical: 3.67
maybeenuf4u
Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
I really liked the story. I did notice a few typos towards the end, but that can be easily fixed.
I would have started the BE earlier in the story. Hey thats why I read these stories!
mc
Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 4
A few quick comments.
First is it would have probably been better to start the story with Marsha about to meet the leprechaun, as the part before it is kinda redundant since you show her cheating and then have her telling the reader what she did. You could easily slip a few lines narrative or dialogue to quickly explain the situation and it would allow the story to get to the action quicker.
Second is the whole slut thing feels too forced since we don't see her being a slut other then when she cheats at the beginning. It might have been better for the leprechaun “catch” to effect her by increasing her libido and every time falls to the temptation and cheats she gets bigger boobs/transforms making it harder to hide her acts from her husband.
Personally I didn't like the sex part with her husband since he was described as being such a disgusting man (but I guess that is what you intended), and the ending seemed a bit...way out there even with how crazy the story was.
wat
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
How is babby formed
How girl get pregnant
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
Due to comment spam, any new posts with http in them will be destroyed.
