So this is my first story ever, I know it isn't the best but email me if you have any suggestions or put it in the comment box. In the story a kid gets the girl he has always wanted, but in ways he did not expect...
Average Scores:
- Overall: 2.40
- BE: 1.80
- Characters: 3.20
- Technical: 2.40
sully52
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 2
I enjoyed the story. As mentioned before, it needs work to make it more readable-break into smaller paragraphs would help a lot. Its kind of combination of transgender and BE but I don't object to that-reminds me of some of Ed Parker's storys.
Bill Pratt
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 3, Technical= 2
This a TG story, not a BE story, so my enjoyment and appreciation of the breast expansion is minimal. A writer needs to be really good to realize characters in 2 pages, resulting in the average Character score. Fleshmaster's writing needs a lot of work. Spelling is acceptable, but given that it was written in a Word Processor, that's no surprise. Spelling these days is effectively free. Grammar, on the other hand, is not.
My advice: Use less simplistic sentences. What is used here is not terribly bad, just dull reading. Also read up on how to structure a paragraph. At the very least, break a paragraph when the topic changes (switching from describing the pool to describing the pool employees, for example)and when the speaker changes in dialogue.
Sil
Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
I think this is a good start. With a little time, you could create a lot more stories from this point. Maybe Anna is part of an organization or some such which specializes in creating new women.
For being two pages long, I enjoyed it. Thanks!
Dilandau
Overall= 2, BE= 1, Characters= 3, Technical= 2
As Johnny said it's very short. It has potential but it needs more depth and detail. Also, you should use paragraphs. The whole thing reads like a train-of-though rather than a narrative. But keep going, if you give it some work this could be good.
Johnny
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Two pages is hardly a story, more like a summary or outline for you to write one. The descriptions were very brief, if at all, and there was no BE aside from a guy turning into a girl sorta. Take this story and expand on it (lol) and type up something that would actually be considered a story and resubmit it. Your writing style isn't bad, just needs some polish and some more time put into it. I assume this story is something you personally enjoyed, but to an outside reader it was about as exciting as a news article in the local paper.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
Due to comment spam, any new posts with http in them will be destroyed.
