This is a story of a girl in search of the perfect gum. Little does she know the consequenses of her most recent discovery.
Categories apply to the story as a whole, not just this part.
Part 2 to follow soon.
This is my first story, so please be kind. Send feedback to wldwstadvntr@aol.com
Average Scores:
- Overall: 1.88
- BE: 1.63
- Characters: 1.88
- Technical: 3.75
Fuzzy
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 3
No offense, but the Wonka Gum scenario's been done to death. And, just when things actually start expanding, the story ends. You should have at least included the initial (only?) expansion in the story in part one.
Very Free
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 4
GN
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 4
This is hardly even a BE story and basically completely rips off the overused Wonka-whatever cliche. Bleh.
mechfan9
Overall= 2, BE= 1, Characters= 2, Technical= 4
okay start but make the next chapter longer.
sparky
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
sound simular to willy wonkas chocolate factory
so hope part two is soon.
0wl
Overall= 2, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 4
Well-written, but this is more of an excerpt than a story. Not much happens before it's over.
Blerg
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
started out nice but story was way to short and no be at all yet
a bit disapointing
Anonymous
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 4
Too short to really get anything out of; might have been better served waiting until more of the story was finished. Big ups to Roald Dahl, though, I would think, as this is lifted almost directly from Willy Wonka.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
Due to comment spam, any new posts with http in them will be destroyed.
