lightfantastically@gmail.com
A young, inexperienced adventurer is captured by a kinky sorceress and turned into the perfect sex slave.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.00
- BE: 3.50
- Characters: 4.00
- Technical: 4.25
Bb47
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Hot! Hope you finish this.
Biantai
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
Nice story! I thought the size descriptions were a little inconsistent, though. Also, I would liked to have read more about the girl's reactions to her transformation. My personal preference is to have slightly slower growth, but in this context it worked perfectly.
Toymaker
Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Very vivid. I liked the concept, and I liked the characters- IMHO, you are pretty close to the balance between character development and fapping material. The non-consensual aspect and lack of actual BE (as opposed to the entire transformation) kept the rating low, but that's just a matter of taste for me- I didn't think that I was going to like the story at all, but hey, who knew?
When the next chapter comes out, I'll read it for sure. Keep writing! :)
TheEggman
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
This is a fairly solid entry in what is hopefully a multiple-chapter story. The ending was anticlimactic, leaving something to be desired, but if more chapters are to come, that is a good thing. The characters seemed a little cookie-cutter, but not necessarily in a detracting way.
The formatting made for a somewhat awkward read. You started out fine, but once dialogue was introduced, it got hard to follow. I offer the timeless Dialogue Rule of Thumb: when changing speakers, start a new paragraph, complete with indent. And it wouldn't hurt to make the line breaks that *are* in there at least 1.5-spaced if not double-spaced, especially considering the font you used.
The formatting issues are minor points. Don't think I'm slamming you - I'm merely offering constructive criticism because I wish to enjoy more the chapters that will follow.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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