A magical journey which changes one person's life for the unexpected better.
My very first attempt at story writing. Hope someone finds it interesting.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 3.00
- BE: 2.50
- Characters: 2.83
- Technical: 3.33
Anonymous
Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
Instead of an 'epilogue' in the form of bland summary narration, a quick scene from later in her life would have been better. Or maybe one slightly extended, with some description of her general state of mind after the change.
joce
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
What I enjoyed most was the description of the main character's feelings as he changed from male to female and, as part of this, the growth of the new breasts. Sheer magic of course but it occurs only on the same day each year!
Very Free
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 2
I found the same problems given by Anonymous, and I'd say that a decent spell check should've been done. As for "TG isn't BE", well where did it say that it was? Sure, he became she, but it wasn't necessary to have BE. That came after the TG. But then, why am I bothering with this? It's a story, and that was the way it was, and it could've been better.
Anonymous
Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 2
There were several problems I had with this story:
- You changed tenses from past to present random, stick to one and only one.
- You repeated sentence structure in consecutive sentences a few times, making it a bit of a speed bump in the flow of the story. (Particularly the removal of clothing stuff)
- You glossed over the parts of the story that could have been the best. The last 4 paragraphs (including the epilogue) should have been the story, instead it seems the appearance of cloths was the story and the tg/be/sex was an after thought.
- Plot events and stories appeared sort of randomly. How would he be able to recognize that they were becoming female? It's not a common event. Why did the police start searching for a guy who was alone in life, who asked to start searching? What's so special about a random day in October? You didn't mention Halloween or anything, and why 3 times over 27 years? How did some guy know how to contact the right people to become a professional porn star/model so quickly?
Despite all that, it's a decent start to story writing. If you polished the grammar, smoothed the plot, and increased the length of the last 4 paragraphs to several pages this story could be really good. Adding further transformations, or possibly a reversal, could create some twists (if that's what you're looking for).
MrHHH
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 4
Sigh. TransGender isn't BE.
aryanman
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 5
intresting story. loved the premise. BUT WHY A REDUCTION!
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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