The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Merkava IV
Andy and Amanda III
Mandy comes over and helps Andy, and on the east coast, the Vatican gets involved. Meanwhile, the old world has gotten involved...

Due to a reformatt, I lost 7 chapters of work, so I am recompiling the work. Here are chapters 11 and 12 (I know small update for 11 months of work) but more is one the way, I promise. Let me know what you think, and please continue to be patient.
Average Scores:

Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

The only thing you should be allowed to write is a grocery list.

Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4

You've got a good style. Colourful characters, and plot. Hmmm. Not sure about the "special operations" girl. I want to know more. Grammar is fine, the style can be a bit dodgy in spots. Overall, brilliant.

Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

You write very well and really hope that you do more of this.

Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

I love everythig thing you write.
please find me

Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

Terrific story, but the only thing really detracting from it is really poor technical work. In the same chunk of story, I saw amanda called "Kim" and "Mandy", and some of the times when you attempted to make it feel like his thoughts trailed off just ended in a sentence.

It's a great great BE story but seriously, do a proofread.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
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Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
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Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
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