A girl who wishes she had bigger boobs, finds herself in ashop promising just that. Strange, strange things start happening. This is my first BE, so its not great, but enjoy it anyway.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 3.86
- BE: 4.00
- Characters: 3.43
- Technical: 3.29
maybeenuf4u
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Great job, most especially for a 1st timer. An excellent story! Keep writing!
Double S B
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
I agree with many of the other comments. The plot twist was interesting, but seemed a little disjointed from the rest of the story. I actually had to read that part again because I was kind of blind-sided by it. The machine did sound interesting and might make a good spin-off story.
HeliumGirl
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
Some minor mechanical errors here and there, not enough to jar me out of the story. It was enjoyable, if a little disjointed. Seemed like you were going down a rather well-used path at first, and that maybe you realized it and tried to steer the story in another direction, and the resulting twist is original, but not very well executed.
Kowalski
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 1
An encouraging start.
Nice writing style - no glaring problems, but if you just focussed on the fundamentals, the little things - it'll read better. The legs are wobbly still.
Wolf
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Very well written but the machine has a lot of potencial...
sigley89
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
Very good storie keep it up
Anonymous
Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
I think what you have here is two stories that you ended up trying to get out as one. One is a nice story about a girl who uses magic to get bigger breasts and a little lesson in patience (when she ends up bigger than expected), and the other is a story about a evil witch who goes about draining girls of their beauty. The disconnect is so great at the ------------- 2/3 of the way through that it wholly took me right out of the story.
It's well written, though, and I look forward to more from this author.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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