The Overflowing Bra

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I liked this story a lot, the end of it was kind of sudden, but if left me knowing that more was ahead.

It was an enjoyable read. Hope you write part 2. Paragraph and ending issues aside you did a good job.  

Nice story, although the end is random and sudden.  As previously stated the paragraphs are too long.  Having said that I'm still looking forward to the next part.

whens the next part?

Can't wait for the next part!
I agree with others who mentioned breaking the story up into more paragraphs though, it is a little hard to read and keep your place with so much text in each block.

needed better structure and description

I enjoyed this tale - its fantasy elements worked for me!

Thanks for your critiques, everyone.
By the way - the paragraphs look fine on my end. I'm not entirely sure what went wrong. Believe me, I'm not a professional writer, but I certainly do know how paragraphs work. I haven't done all that much mucking around with HTML, however, so there's probably a compatibility issue.

Lack of paragraph breaks really disrupted my enjoyment of this story. When a different person speaks, break paragraphs. When a new line of thought, such as a new body part description or a new action, takes place, break paragraphs. When a new plot point is happening, break paragraphs. Other than that, it's a decent beginning; can't wait to see where you're going with it.

Good stuff, keep it up.

Interesting transformation.  All we need now is for the heroine to get up and use her newly discovered body.  Others have mentioned some shortcomings, I'll agree.  I offer encouragement because you've put worthy effort into it so far, and it's worth carrying through to a great conclusion.

You've got to reformat your paragraphs:  right now, it's almost illegible.

Practically unreadable. Try again.

Impressive for a first time. I guess paragraphs would be nice but I'm not here for the grammar and I had only minor difficulty reading. As this is a BE site I'd recommend spending more time on the BE or any expansion at all and more details on the appearance. For example from your description of a penis I could take a PVC pipe and call it one. Add features (texture, veins, color, curvature, etc.) for all erogenous zones. From some of the words you used I see you have a good vocabulary, use it more. Reference a thesaurus on the growth details to separate it further apart from the standard, formulaic BE, and try using more uncommon items. Granted everyone knows what a basketball, or a pumpkin, is and what size it is, but it has been done to death. An original idea and a good effort. Looking forward for more. :-D

Good start.  Looks to be a fun story.  One of the other reviews was correct, you need to reformat a bit on the paragraphs.  Beyond that, a good start to a fun ride.

This was a great first effort. The pace and flow of the story really sucked me into it and made me want to continue reading it. One of the better stories I've read in a while. This story definitely leaves you wanting more. I hope you continue on with it.

Great first effort. Glad to hear it's only part 1.
I hope Mia retains her earthly mortal humility now that she's "trapped" in an insatiable supersexed body. Sasha and the other slut vampire have had time to grown psychologically into their bodies. It would be fun and sexy to read about Mia struggling to come to grips with what's happened to her.

The plot didn't suck, it didn't shift tense every ten words, and the author could at least find a spell checker. That alone makes the story better than 90% of the steaming, wriggling dogshit dumped here.
In fact, it's worth offering constructive editorial comments:
Your descriptions were OK, but you need to work on avoiding trite filler phrases, like "wave of pleasure"- at least you didn't use "broke her reverie".

Nice story. ;)