The Overflowing Bra

Mr B.I.G., your writing talents are amazing. I'm very, very impressed with your grasp of flow and pacing, and showing your story rather than telling. The others' comments about technical errors are spot-on, however. This story needed another pass before being ready for your fans. Overall, great work, but don't neglect the details. 

Excellent story, the best I've read in a while

One of the best I have read in a while.

This was a great story but almost every single sentence had a major grammatical or typographical error.  None of BIG's work has ever been so badly proofread.  It's like he tried to make as many errors as possible.  It was incredibly frustrating to read because the errors screwed up the flow of the story severely.  Did the author write this while drunk?  Anyway, besides the technical issues, this is a great story.  I'm pretty sure if some basic proofreading was done this would have won easily.

Drug addictions? Paranoia? Police states? Hidden identities? Battles against conformity? Weird religions? Madly off-kilter but oddly believable futures?
At last, the notorious B.I.G.'s offline identity is revealed to be none other than the equally notorious Philip K. Dick. For the record, Mr. Dick, I never believed any of those rumors of your demise.
Actually, I enjoyed this story rather more than the contest winner. And Blake does smooth BE. No numberisms or bra-code violations, no overreliance on sports objects or fruit for descriptions. It's the real deal, folks.
Yes, there were some problems, starting from the beginning, when the protagonist scoffs at his piers, rather than his peers. Proofreading is fundamental. Ultimately, I felt these did not meaningfully detract from one of the finer works of BE of this year or any year. Mr. Gordon (or should I say Mr. Dick?) we haven't heard from you in too long. Personally, I look forward to a sequel. Or a Ridley Scott adaptation.

Firstly, I must say that I really did like the story and it was some excellent work.  There were just some  very naff technical issues that were inconceivable when compared the quality of the rest of your work.  Actually, I imagine most people wouldn't even notice or, if they did, wouldn't care.
The thing that really leapt out at me was the prodigious use of acronyms that weren't explained on first use.  While the reader can certainly acertain the meaning behind the item from context it's very poor form.  Misuse of words (site instead of sight, and many others) detracted enourmously from your excellent prose and style.
Characters were moderately inconsistent...he loved his house but hated all the wasted space in it?  Personally I couldn't reconcile those two seperate statements as applying to the same person.  Again, perhaps it's something that really comes down to individual interpretation.
The ideas and concepts were otherwise beautifully illustrated and presented.  I don't know what to say, your grasp of some asepcts of writing are almost perfect but the crazy things make it look like you have a split personality.  I'd recommend a proofreader, almost every amazingly awesome story is a collaboration between writer and editor.  As it stands, you still have a really good story.  Nothing to turn ones nose up at!

Very Nice swing on things .
i liked it .