pakled05@hotmail.com
Ok, due to underwhelming demand..;) here's the whole story. I have sent this through Word Spelling and Grammar check, and have taken all the suggestions from the last version into account. Still, I'm sure there's something 'wrong' with it. To coin a phrase, this is Porn, not Proust..;)
Now there's a couple of other 'kinks' in here; nothing too out there, but still, you may want to skip the second 2 thirds of it, depending on your level of interest. I conceived of this as a story that could be placed at multiple sites, depending on what segments would 'fit'.
I even submitted this to an 'editor' at one of the other sites. I did get one revision back, but that was almost 3 weeks ago, and the 2nd proof has not been responded to. If anyone wants to do a word by word, line by line attack of misspellings and grammatical errors, do your worst. At least I'll learn 2 things,
1) Where the grammar's off, and
2) what words are being misspelled (which can be added to my Word dictionary. Have fun.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.33
- BE: 4.13
- Characters: 4.33
- Technical: 3.87
Bb47
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Fun! Easy read. Friendly.
G-man001
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Superb! Loved the preg themed wish...you're great at writing it and there arent many of that kind of author around! Please keep it up! A very original take on an old classic.
Professor Grow
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Brilliant! Keep going, please!
Iceman
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
I loved it. I loved how the women got what they wanted, and he got what he wanted. Too many of these stories/movies on hentai sites etc. are forced scenarios, with genderbending. This is straitforward, with everyone having a great time. Please write some more, nice work!
Ferty
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Well done, and I hope that more is on the way!
Tanap
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Hey I really liked your story. You have some talent, just don't over think it. I don't think there is anything wrong with your changes. I think you should write more and see where it takes you. I think you have something here above average and you seemed hesitant about letting the story develop. This isn't bad, but you might have more to say in the next one down the line. Flesh it out, don't get ahead of yourself.
Link
Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Chelseaboy
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Really thought you did a good job, the plot is pretty good, especially the added segments. Keep up the good work and don't give up on the story even if the plot ends up in the way of the action those work too for alot of people!
pakled
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
sorry, this is the only way I can reply. I know, I know, I must misspell things, but honestly, I DO run the spell-checker. I think it must be those 'to/two/too' sorts of things they don't pick up. Grammar is tougher; I have a couple of things from another site on 'how to write', probably overuse the semi-colon..;)
For the other stuff, there's sites that specialize in particular versions of things. I'm not sure what the policy of recommending 'the competition', but I know a coupla places..;)
thanks to everyone. I do have another story in the works, but the plot keeps getting in the way of 'the action'..;) Won't be real soon, but I won't give up on it, (I'm going to try an editor, or another editor, or..;) I'll keep this place in mind, tho.
deux_anges
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
I didn't expect to, but I actually quite liked it. One thing, I'm also a fan of preg bellies so I wish that scene could have been longer. :)
SpAcEMoNkEyS
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 3
your story is really good and i really enjoyed it, you should maybe get it proof read as you grammer/wording isnt the best but hell who's perfect...i know im not lol... i say keep up the good work:D
Groblek
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Well done - I liked the overall concept, and your characters were fun. I was particularly amused by the genie's reaction to his wishes.
Kailia
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
I liked it, and found the characters engaging enough for a shortie, but I've a small complaint. Thirty is not old! That said, I'd like to see more.
Quadhouse
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
magic man
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
much better than the first plus i liked the other parts i hope u write more
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