The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Power: Day 2
Day 2.  James discovers more about his powers.
Average Scores:

Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

It's a good story, thing get a little on the weird side for my tastes, but it's still quite enjoyable.

Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

Not the most technically competent piece, but the premise is interesting. You'd better come up for a magic pouch or something for the main character, because there's no way he could walk around school looking like he's smuggling half a deli counter's worth of meat in his pants and not cause a commotion. Can't wait to see that sleepover, though.

Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 4

Nice stuff. Keep up the good work. As you keep writing it will just keep getting better. Thanks for the story.

Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

Fun sequel, your writing is definitely improving even if the style still seems a bit off. Could have used a little more BE description, and you needed to make up your mind whether Ming was Japanese or Chinese.

Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

heh, she had better be Japanese since an Oni is from Japanese Myth.
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

Your writing is getting better. However, it could definetly use a bit more polish. Also, the story could use more description, I wasn't even really sure what Ming looked like other than at one point the main character looks up and mentions she has A-cups.

Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4

Really liked the story hurry up and make the next one

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Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

Overall Enjoyment(How much did you like the story overall?)
1 2 3 4 5

BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
1 2 3 4 5

Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
1 2 3 4 5

Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
1 2 3 4 5

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