The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Power: Day 1
James is a high school student, when one day he finds he has strange powers that he is not sure how to control.  How will James and his classmates react?  First Chapter to a new series.  I have a new editor, so hopefully the grammer will be better.
Average Scores:

Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

Great series where everything gets crazy and sexy. There are some really original and kinky ideas in this series. Keep it up.

Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 2

I like the story, it's a good light highly graphic piece of literotica. There are a number of little grammar issues that threw me off though.

Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

Not bad at all, freaky but nice. Would like to see more.

Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

The only thing lacking was the BE description. The story is interesting and inventive and the characters are becoming distinct. Greater description than just cup sizes would be nice, although the secondary descriptions of clothes ripping is good.

Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

As usual, I enjoyed your work and there's been a huge improvement in your writing. Hope to see more from this since it had a fun start and I'm curious to see where it's going to go.

Bill Pratt
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3


I like a
good unrepentant story every now and then. Sex and body
transformations run rampant and the Grammar is not horrible. It’s
not good, but not distracting.


Lots of
BE. Practically non stop BE, but the use of cup designations is a bit
jarring. How many people can estimate cup size that well without a
tape measure? Second, it’s a bit too convenient seeming that
all the expansions are nice, round numbers. Nice, round boobs are
always pleasant, but mix up the sizing a bit.


Do they
have any? James takes suddenly becoming a multi dicked sex machine
pretty well and the girls just fall all over him. Most people I know
would stop and think about the change for a while. What were the
girls like before they became fantasy recreations? They seem to be
enjoying themselves, but who are they?


structure of some of the sentences is a bit primitive to keep the
narrative flowing as well as it should

Paragraphs are too large by far so you need to chop things up a bit better.

When to
break a Paragraph:

  • On dialogue, You almost have this down.

    James and Susan were just the opposite and were very excited. Sally said,

    “Worms! Nasty! Give me a chemical reaction any day.”

    Isn't right. The Sally said needs to be in the same paragraph as the

    “Worms!” Sally said. “Nasty! Give me a chemical reaction any day.”
    Works well, but the “Sally said” could go just about anywhere so long
    as it is part of the same paragraph.

  • When
    the topic of the paragraph changes.
    Remember topic sentences from
    essay writing in school? Fiction doesn’t really have them, but
    every paragraph should have one broad idea supported by sentences
    with one tighter idea (or two if they are interconnected).

  • When
    the point of view character changes.
    If the scene is suddenly going
    to be told from Susan’s side as she glories in having all
    three cocks in play and James’ hands cupping her bountiful
    breasts while playing with her perky nipples, you need a paragraph

  • When
    you think the reader will get bored reading the paragraph.
    Throw in
    a reason for a break—dialogue, a thought, maybe change the
    topic a bit. Think about forcing a break if you find you have a
    paragraph that is six inches across and two or three inches long.

Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

Mediocre, somewhat hard to follow.

Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

I rather enjoyed this story. Characters need a little more work, and the gramar/technical side of the writing needs some cleaning up.

I enjoyed that Jim stays human in that he's worried about the morals, and about that he doesn't remember the Blonds name.

I look forward to a part two.

Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 2

I love the story concept. your technical has improved but still has a long way to go. keep up the hard work and the improvements will come

Benji Dude
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 3

Nice story your skills are improving all the time. Looking forward to part 2.

Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 4

I thought the story line is great and I like the fact that it is not just a repeat of another story. Just a suggestion but mabey you should consider writing a prequil (a story describing how James got the power and mabey some character development). Just some friendly suggestions. Overall I liked the story

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Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

Overall Enjoyment(How much did you like the story overall?)
1 2 3 4 5

BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
1 2 3 4 5

Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
1 2 3 4 5

Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
1 2 3 4 5

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