The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Wolf
zacharygreen1@hotmail.co.uk
Amelia
A woman wants bigger breasts ans her friend supplies them
Average Scores:

Wolf
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 2

brilliant

Mahatma Gandhi
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

You're going to see a lot of negative feedback, and I just want to go ahead and tell you that you just need to practice writing more. If this is where you're beginning, then great. Just write a lot more, and you'll get better.

There are some instances where spelling errors and typos need to be fixed, so make sure you check more closely next time. Also, work on description as well as word choice. Practice describing a scene in multiple ways and from multiple perspectives. Developing your characters, even slightly, is far better than simply leaving the reader wondering who these people are. Who is Amelia? What makes her unique? And who is her scientist friend? Make sure to really get into your characters' heads and imagine how they would think, feel, and act.

On a less important note, it would be a good idea to structure your writing so that it is easier to read. When someone speaks, indent it on a new line as you would a paragraph. It's just so much easier that way.

Breasts
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

Sequel please. :D

I enjoyed this short story very much.

Breasts
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

Sequel please. :D

I enjoyed this short story very much.

Bill Pratt
Overall= 2, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 2

Overall

I'm not an immobility fan, so the story suffers a hit there. Ultimately though, the story is so hard to read that it cripled my enjoyment. Break up the monster paragraphs and this is at least a three


BE


Characters

Too short to get a good enough feel to rate


Technical


Spelling is good, but it better be since this is a Word doc.

The grammer and wording is a little choppy at points, but tollerable. You don't have to be fancy

The main problem is with the ├╝ber paragraphs. Cut the story up a bit better. At the very least break the paragraphs on dialog.

Drop by the Plume or the TOF and see if you can draft someone to look over your stuff.

Very Free
Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

Too many spelling, punctuation, grammar errors.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

Overall Enjoyment(How much did you like the story overall?)
1 2 3 4 5

BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
1 2 3 4 5

Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
1 2 3 4 5

Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
1 2 3 4 5

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