The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Hijacked-Part 1
Part 1 of a new space odyssey, this story follows the vacation of five future college students. Did their mothers ever tell them not to catch rides in strange breast shaped ships? Obviously not.
Average Scores:

Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

Ready for Part 2 and etc.

Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

To me, the poker game and the sex scene seemed like the longest parts of the story. The aliens aren't very well described, and their reasons why they are kidnapping people and turning them into uni-sex people isn't very clear.

I did enjoy the inclusion of an asian woman, BE stories usually aren't that multi-cultural.

Many parts, including the transformation aren't as detailed as they could be. If they are in another time period than now, that should have been the first information given to the reader, but it wasn't mentioned for a few paragraphs or so. The ending just kind of trailed off without a lot of explanation about where they were, or what was going to happen to them. Most of the characters didn't seem like they cared one way or another.

There was an comparison half-way through about the three "couples" and their way of treating each other, which could have been better tied into the later parts of the story.

Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 2

Great story idea and imagination, but I am asuming that this was just a test peice to see the reaction...
The story felt forced and rushed, when you continue this story, you might want to redo this first chapter, being more descriptive, adding detail and background.
Don't be afraid to tease your audiance alittle, for me half the enjoyment comes from the anticipation of what is going to happen, and how the characters react to the changes, some of my favorite stories have actually had very little "pornagraphic" content in them.
I would love to see you run with this idea and make a full-length story out of it.
Anxiously awaiting the return of this story.

Overall= 2, BE= 1, Characters= 2, Technical= 5

You have a vivid imagination even for here its a good story though its not really my thing and the descriptions of everything was lacking looks like it could be better dont stop writin.

Overall= 2, BE= 3, Characters= 1, Technical= 4

I like your imagination, but i think that you need to pute a litle more detail and length into your storys. type on.

Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

I hope there is more transformation like in your other stories. Ready for part 2.

Char Woman
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

Orignal, needs "fleshing out"

Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

Not bad, but as the others said need alot more fleshing out, also your grammar is slightly odd so you may want to see if you can get someone to proof read it for you. With your BE try and describe it, don't just use cup sizes. Definitely looking forward to the next installment.

Benji Dude
Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 2

Grammar needs a bit of a clean up and the transformation needs descriptions. If you put a little more effort into your work it'll make it much better, don't give up writing just yet.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
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Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
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Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
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