The Overflowing Bra

Definite potential.  I agree with everyone else about the grammar.  If you want assistance with grammar, include instructions in a readme doc on 'A Creature of the Night, Chapter 2' on how I should get back to you.

Not a bad start, you definitely need to work on your technical quality, the grammar was more than a bit odd. Hope there's more BE and better descriptions in future sections. And to be honest, the lesbian sex is a turnoff, I prefer male and female, or even bi to just lesbian, but to each their own.

I agree with the previous reviewer, this prologue could be cleaned up with grammar and spelling throughout.  That would improve it a great deal.  As for the story itself, I'd like to see a bit more from the "victim"'s point of view, how she feels about the changes in her attitudes (or if she even notices them).  Also, the statement that she has no friends strikes me as a bit lazy.  Either she's got some friends (which would provide interesting counterpoint) or she really does have no friends, and this state of affairs needs to be expanded on. Perhaps a few minor scenes or examples of ways in which she is picked on. (The ones picking on her can get their comeuppance when she becomes a muscular huge-breasted Amazon succubus later on, of course.)

The premise is sound, but the grammar needs to be cleaned up desperately. I counted at least five place where the tense of the story shifted from past to present. The desciptions of what the characters were doing or feeling could done better as well. Out of five, I'll give it a two. Mostly because, I spent the entire time correcting the grammar than actually reading the story. Get some advice on writing from some other people.

Okay, we don't need to ridicule any BE effort.  Destructive criticism is absolutely not needed.  Decent grammar is really nice, but don't give people an incentive to stop writing.  Writers, people appreciate your efforts as seen by the huge number of downloads.  Don't be discouraged.

Much more fun to read than your other series. Moves kind of slow though.

A very good start to what looks like is going to be a great story.  PLEASE get/use a grammar checker.  I don't know if English is your first language (and I don't mean this in a bitchy way) but have someone else read over your story before you post it.

A good start to a promising story line but grammar and spelling are an issue (like someone else said) and try to stick to one tense (past or present) it gets really confusing when you constantly change from one to the other without warning.

I liked it grammar aside, I want to read more, we can fix the spelling and grammar latter.