This is a fragmented series of excerpts that form the story of Diane, a woman who gets big in all the right places when she gets horny. Its easy to follow the plot and theres enough button-popping, pants stretching, and belly rubbing for two stories of this kind. Visit bumpsgalore.tripod.com for the growing collection of my works and tons of links to the best expansion on the Web.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 2.25
- BE: 3.50
- Characters: 2.50
- Technical: 3.00
mekanus
Overall= 1, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 4
well... i didn't liked it... the be was nothing exeptional, the characters seems flats.
MrHHH
Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
The one part of the story that threw me was "She used her powers to fight crime". That was just too silly. Even for me.
HR
Overall= 2, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 2
The transition from 1st person to 3rd person was abrupt and disruptive.
The Toymaker
Overall= 3, BE= 5, Characters= 3, Technical= 2
It wasn't terrible. I liked the BE, the characters seemed a little odd... I'm still trying to figure out who Jeff is, (her cousin?) and what happened to Dale. I'm still waiting for the crimefighting to begin, but she still seems to be working through the dilemmas that her powers have brought. Your (not "you're") grammar seems to have fallen off since "Appetite for Lust", I trust this will change for the better. The scene with the cop was a little disjointed and confusing, the 3rd person was distracting, I ended up reading it twice. Anyhow, it's an interesting idea, I'd like to see where it all ends up.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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