Subbie find herself growing yet another cup size.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 3.33
- BE: 3.11
- Characters: 3.56
- Technical: 3.44
Anonymous
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 2, Technical= 3
That's it? This is barely a story and there's no BE. This girl wakes up for a doctor appointment and finds out her breasts have grown a bit bigger and then the rest of the story is just a description of her terrible day with nothing barely erotic ever happening, and then it's abruptly ends to the point that you'd think there's a problem with the downloaded file, wtf?
snow white
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 2
Maybe the story didn't download correctly-it ended with instructions for her next appointment.
CurveFan
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 3
Really miss you, Mary Jo. Best of luck!
Saint Germain
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
I liked the descriptions which made me feel like i was there.
will
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Prophet Tenebrae
Overall= 2, BE= 1, Characters= 2, Technical= 1
I appreciate that this was a first attempt but I think that the following are all fair criticisms.
1. The formatting wasn't so hot - I'd suggest a smaller font size and you should consider html.
2. The dialogue was a bit stilted - the conversations weren't really fluid. I suppose the easiest way to put is that it seems like some bad actors are struggling with their lines. You should try and make their speaking less formal and more "normal".
3. Interaction between the doctor and Subgirlie at the end, seemed a bit too much like strangers considering they would presumably have met before.
I don't want to sound negative or critical but I just find it a little hard to say anything too great about this story. It had a lot of potential but I don't think that it was really long enough to realise it.
I'm not sure that the narrative style was the best task for the job either...perhaps if it had gone for a more straight forward first person perspective or third person.
Sorry if that was overly harsh but I just feel that it's best to get some sort of guidance - I'm not saying I know anything about story writing, I just think that those are some improvements that you could make - I hope that it helps you and that my tirade won't dissuade you from further writing ;P
10
Anonymous
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
I'm too lazy to leave any feedback. The most valuable thing a reader can give an author.
Anonymous
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
I'm too lazy to leave any feedback. The most valuable thing a reader can give an author.
rodb
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
I felt it was very frank and honest. This story had my undivided attention. It's as though I was 'there.' Great job.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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