Lily, a college student who's the epitome of breast envy, finds out her roommate has made a breast growth serum.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.50
- BE: 3.75
- Characters: 4.50
- Technical: 4.00
Luvtail
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 3
A good start! I'm keen to see more! As a bit of feedback though, there were a few times where you used present tense As she enters, she tosses her bag aside, which was disconcerting as the majority of the story is written in traditional past tense. I thought that might have been a oneoff mistake, but you slipped in and out of present tense a few more times during the BE scene. You can do one tense or the other, you can even change it based on the scenechapter, but you can't change back and forth within the same scene. Still, an easy fix, and I look forward to the next chapter!
XXX
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
Like it, please go on. For a feedback, i would agree with boobie
boobie
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
I liked this a lot and can't wait to see more, If I had to give you feedback, I'd like if you increased the descriptions of the breast growth and its consequences, sensations, feeling, what you're doing is great, just, add even more. Overall, I love this, hope you continue on the boob greedenvy path with generally slow growth like in this chapter, keep going!
S90
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
An excellent start. Cant wait for more!
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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