An upload of a story I've been writing, parts 1-4, more to come. Appreciate any feedback...
Chris has had a hard time of things and despite what some might consider a tremendous gift he has always seen as a dead leg; a third leg. Now at college things start to grow out of hand and that doesn't seem to be stopping any time soon.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 5.00
- BE: 5.00
- Characters: 5.00
- Technical: 4.92
bernt
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
One of the best stories on this site. Great job. Looking forward to the continuation!
Benjen
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
This was one of the best I've read recently, truly great job. Characters were interesting, descriptions were great. You managed to find that balance of not letting the story drag, yet not blowing too quickly through the fun.
Personally I'd love to read more about KellyAnn. Maybe some more backstory of how she got to her position we saw in this story, also going forward.
Huguest
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Good story, We can see that you took time to explore character development. Thanks
HeyMan
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Best story I have read for a while. Looking forward to future installments if there are any.
flies
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
all aces. this is one of the best stories on the site, and by that I mean that it is both sexy and a good story. AWESOME WORK.
Ellex
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Write more of this for the love of god, I need more of this, but proofread your work a bit more thoroughly.
bobGrimer
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
This is a great debut! Every scene felt organic and not wasted. Even the art session with no transformation or orgasm still had a sexual energy to it. I don't think I've seen that before. The transformation with Mouse is actually very similar to a fantasy I've had bouncing around my head for a while of a tiny woman becoming a cum balloon then it all getting converted into breasts.
ktc
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
There are elements of domsub that I personally dislike and certainly any more rapey style is also not great to me personally but the premise is fun and any writing is much welcomed over nothing. That all said, I think this is quite fun, and am eager to see what other transformations and growth sequences will occur. I assume Tiff will ask for some AE and look forward to that. I just like the female form so enjoy anything that amplifies that aesthetic.
BiggusBoobus
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Great start. Nice attention to detail and the characters aren't onedimensional rare for smut writing. I'm not personally one for domsub stuff but the Mouse relationship in particular is written well. Only suggestion would be perhaps to back away from the meta aspect narrator interactions. It's frankly unnecessary unless you feel like you have somewhere interesting to go with it.
No suggestions otherwise... just keep at it and write what makes you happy.
Chrono
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
VERY NICE!
if you're looking for suggestions, there's always hips and milk, and flexibility is never without merit
cman
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Really, really fantastic. I want more.
I especially like the dynamic between Chris and Mouse especially. You do a great job of capturing the idea of giving yourself over to somebody.
I found the secret messages a little distracting, because I wanted to read them, but I also wanted to read the story, and I couldn't do both at the same time. But I also appreciate that you're having fun with it, and I like that.
WisePanzer
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Amazing work, i'm eager to read more of it.
I'm usually not a fan of fast growth stories, as i prefer the more slow, realistic growth that slowly changes a woman's life, but i can only be fascinated by the characters in this story and what the future holds for them.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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