The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Madam Materia
Pop Sensation - Chapter One
A Madam Materia commission. Welcome to Japan, a land of delicious food, pop idols, and trying to figure out how you're going to make rent as a foreigner trying to eke out a living in the land of the rising sun. Meet our hero Sam, who finds himself in the position of acting as a historical consultant for an oddly themed idol group, the Liberty Girls. A job that may have just a bit more going on beneath the surface of those flashy costumes than he was bargaining for.
Average Scores:

Mary Contrary
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Really enjoyed this, haven't read much here in awhile that I've been keen on, but super excited to see more of this! 
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Criticisms first  a few minor typos that I noticed and one or two spots where the way something was written I had to go back for clarification.

I actually liked that there was not a ton of BE in this one  and I felt like the way it happens out of scene for the most part, and then when it happens in the scene people notice it audibly but don't see it. Don't get me wrong  I love a good expansion sequence and all, but I really felt like the way that it was set up in this was definitely like a pilotappetizer  a little hint of what's to come.

This is one of the more enjoyable things I've read in a while. The pacing, the characters and their interactions. I feel like it's developing at a really good pace and I'm definitely curious as to where it's going to go next. I guess the biggest issue with it is that it was good enough that now I'm going to be impatient for Part 2.
Overall= 3, BE= 1, Characters= 2, Technical= 2
Really could use a pass for editing. The concepts arnt bad, but for 45 pages not a lot goes on.
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Great stuff!  BE aside, you're building an interesting world here.  One minor note, it's a bit trying to track who is sayingdoing what since there are so many characters interacting at once.  I can't wait for the next installment!  
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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