The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

SveltPig
The City (Chapter 5)
Surprising developments are unfolding in the City though Julia is distracted by her own difficulties in the most recent chapter of the ongoing story, The City.
Average Scores:

Onlooker
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
I enjoy the premise very much  clearly quite a bit of thought has been put into worldbuilding. I also appreciate the story itself, and the BE when it happens is very entertaining.

On the other hand, it looks like you have trouble spelling and assume that whatever the spellchecker tells you is correct. That's how you end up with gate in place of gait, please instead of pleas, who's instead of whose... You know and correctly use words like supine and occluding, but you say imbedded when you mean embedded?

Odd spelling choices aside, I look forward to Chapter 6. Keep up the creative perverse transformations like the nonescapee or Pointy!
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BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
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Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
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Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
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