A young woman, Julia, awakens in a very peculiar place--the City--and an ensemble of other characters have experiences which intersect hers.
(This is a draft of the introductory chapters of a story intended to be much longer. I'd like to get feedback on what I have.
There is a lot of groundwork laid here for action that will happen later on.)
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.33
- BE: 4.33
- Characters: 4.33
- Technical: 4.33
Didris
Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Very interesting read and probably the most indepth story I've read on this site in a very long time. It's clear you put a lot of thought into this story I just worry that it might be slightly wasted.
As I read, some of the exposition about things seemed interesting to check out, but the more I read the less I cared. I skipped most of the exposition sections towards the end and just focused on the primary story. I wonder if it might be beneficial to weave it into the story more organically than assigned sections or to leave a lot of the mystery still there.
Overall, it was interesting and somewhat enjoyable. Julia's first experience isn't entirely 'my thing' but it's wellwritten enough. There is definitely a lot of promise and I hope you can deliver.
BE Description there didn't really seem to be any actual BEgrowth from what I remember but there was good descriptions of what had happened to the different girls and such.
Characters good enough range of characters, the story as a whole seems very plotdriven so this is almost a necessity and so far it's delivering. It does feel like there needs a bit more of the story though to really get a sense of them.
Technical Quality Good enough again. A few mistakes here and there as mentioned by other reviewers but not enough to really detract from the experience. It did seem a little 'wordy' in places though especially during the exposition moments.
In sum, interesting story with promise. Unique premise, characters seem interesting too. Not entirely my thing so far though, so my personal bias does affect things. For a draft though, it's good. I think it'll benefit significantly from editing and further development.
Mephistofun
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Very good story overall. I feel I need to spend longer with each character as I'm moved from viewpoint to viewpoint. I suspect more of a cross over will follow.
I love the style of writing and language, particularly contrast between the different viewpoints and experiences. I'd like to see more of that in future.
It works just as strongly as a scifi story as a BE niche story. Definitely want to see more.
Be careful using cup sizes to describe volume, though you do use 'head sized' as a better description of volume as well it becomes more difficult to imagine for those that haven't seen a bra that size and the letters are not consistent across different countries You will have a lot of people interested in this story' it is a classic in the making.
Please keep going. I'm on the edge of my seat waiting to see what happens next.
Cato
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
So far, I had a great time reading this chapters I II. It's quite some original idea and the setting is broad enough to cater to a lot of fetishes.
I especially like how you split up the storytelling into parts and present different perspectives on the situations, as well as the short historical aspects.
There are some spelling problems, mostly with similar pronounciation like waste vs waist, were vs wear, but they don't make the story unreadable.
Overall it's a very enjoyable read, and I can't wait to see this continued.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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