The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Kind of a writing experiment : two girls are stuck in a time loop ending with a wish. Each time, the loop restarts, but a little different after each wish.
Average Scores:

Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 3
This is a really great setting, being stuck in a time loop and making wishes.
Even though I'm not exactly sure what or why they are stuck in this time loop. 

I kind of hoped for a bit more details and filling especially in the first two timelines, that could have been polished and tweaked through out the alterations of the timelines a lot more. Much was copypast actions, and this did included some of the grammar mistakes along the way. But nothing to serious, a spell checker should have highlighted them for you.

Characters were likable, but still shallow, the brief glimpse in there background and development aided, but still it's only about 650 words for the first part, what basically is your foundation, that repeats over and over again in an altered version.

The ending was odd and somewhat unsatisfying and kind of felt of a rushed means of ending the time loop. 

I do hope you take another stab at this setup or even alter this story based on the hopefully constructive feedback. 

Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 3
Same here, very good idea, good story, but the end is not the best.

I like your story in general, keep up the good work 
Some Guy
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
I'm with Anonymous. Good story, but the ending was unsatisfying
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Technical I appreciate your warning about being a nonnative English writer. For the most part nothing jumped out at me, although I'd like to point out the one phrase you used often, it was full of events. Full of events might be better said as eventful. Minor gripe, though. I still understood the message.

I definitely enjoyed the BE and descriptions, as well.

I think my biggest gripe is the endingit's a good ending for a story, but not for masturbation material. What you want it to be is up to you, of course, but let's face it, most of us aren't here for the plot. The last two wishes didn't contribute to the....adrenaline.

Still, I thoroughly enjoyed the premise and execution up to that point. Great work overall.
reaper of games
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
not bad at all. I liked seeing the subtle differences in each loop and it was a really good idea. keep up the good work.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

Overall Enjoyment(How much did you like the story overall?)
1 2 3 4 5

BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
1 2 3 4 5

Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
1 2 3 4 5

Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
1 2 3 4 5

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