fahzbehn@yahoo.com
Part one of Nanites, a story I did on commission. When Dr. Van Camp turns her knowledge of nanotechnology toward more cosmetic goals, her lab assistant, Diana volunteers to be the first human test subject. Told that the growth would occur over twenty-four hours with few if any side effects, Diana heads out only to find her body (and mind) changing far more rapidly than expected... and enjoying every minute of it.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 3.75
- BE: 3.25
- Characters: 3.25
- Technical: 3.50
Jovian16
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
I always like Nanite storiesas above, I like the Melissa X.0 ones a lot!
If you want to read Melissa 4.0, it's here
httpsbestoryclub.comseriesmelissa40fullseries
wildcard
Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 3
!Warning Spoilers Ahead!
Despite my overal enjoyment I do need to lay down some criticism personal opinions...
The story felt a bit rushed and overall short.
Dr. van Camp's warning was exploited straight away and the amount of scenes that followed only detailed the current bust size. All actual growth is taking place during the time gaps between the scenes and those scenes were low in number.
I believe this story could have been much better by devoting a few more scenes to detail the current bust size. By spreading the progress out a bit by creating more scenes, think along the lines of discovering the initial growth, recalling the warning from Dr. van Camp and experimenting a bit more, before full exploiting it. More progression scenes, more BE quantity.
I did enjoyed reading the story and I'm looking forward to see and read the next chapter.
chaychay
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
I'm suitably turned on by this! Thanks. I look forward to more. P.S. Thanks for keeping the size somewhat realistic.
Roid Abuser
Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
I know it's supposed to be part 1, but this is almost just a stub. It could be good or bad.
Be interesting if the nannites were contagions for a period of time, say via bodily fluids and optimized or victimized partners.
Two of my favorite stories of all times, Melissa 2.0 and Melissa 3.0 might be useful for getting ideas. And if anyone knows where to find the mythical Melissa 4.0, post it!
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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