A man is entranced by an impossibly sexy woman at a club and brings her to his apartment. He has no idea that his life is about to be changed forever.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 2.56
- BE: 2.33
- Characters: 2.56
- Technical: 2.78
Blargenofram
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
I did read this, and it was great. I liked the story, and even though I'm not a huge MTF fan, I enjoyed it. There's an IB scene near the end for those who didn't give it a chance. I really like stories where the characters try to resist the changes taking place. I'd love to read more in this storyline.
Eddie
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
Desparately needs paragraphs. Currently unreadable.
Roid Abuser
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
It's OK if MTF transformation is your thing. It's not mine.
Boris
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
The dialogs are too explicite for my taste. But really nice story thanks for your work and contribution.
FireFox
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Not sure why others are freaking out so much. Opened the file with MS Word and no problem with it. It is very well written and enjoyable, but rather light on BE. I would lke to read more from you in the future.
pretty poor
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
I read 3 pages out of 46. for a submission with essentially no plot to be discernable in the description or the first 3 pages, 46 is just way to much. On top of that the dialogue between the two characters feel forced at best, unbelievably out of touch at worst.
the .txt file is well formatted for an easy read, with clear paragraphs and dialogue. from what I read there's no real issue of grammar or anything like that.
it's not something I could recommend in its current state. it needs dramatic reworking of the dialogue, lots of cutting and editing of the story so it's not overly long for its kind of submission, and a better focus for what kind of submission the author wants to submit. do you want a sex romp with no plot or a story heavy with character development? one of those can fill a 46 page document.
GeoffK
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
This is NOT a Wall of Text The problem is that Microsoft MemoPad is a useless piece of crap. Open it in WordPad or MSWord and it's nicely formatted.
I need more time to read the story properly, but it seems well written and a nice succubustype story.
gdrfgadfsg
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
Wall of text, did not read
Low standards
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
Giant unreadable wall of text.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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