Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.17
- BE: 4.33
- Characters: 4.33
- Technical: 3.67
Toymaker
Overall= 2, BE= 3, Characters= 1, Technical= 3
Like others have said it was pretty disjointed, and the date-rapey ending put me off my feed.
Miss Lany
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
An excellent start. Ultimately the first two segments were just setup and the third was a quick BE scene that was good while it was going. Definitely could've been expanded,but for a quick read it's definitely one of the better written ones we've seen in a while. Good work.
OM NOM NOM
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Please write more, this was fantastic.
Knightwolf1875
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Would love to see another story like this.
V
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 3
Hot damn! Not every day you see something this good out of a first-time poster here. Well done! There were a couple of odd spelling errors that (misspelled 'viscinity' and 'vulnerable'), made strange mostly by how polished most of the rest of the work was.
Was this just a thing-that-struck-you oneshot, or a proof-of-concept for a longer work? (I ask because the three parts of the story are curiously disjointed from one another, so it feels like three related ideas rather than one large one.)
In either case, well done, and I hope to see more from you, either of Rachel, or another story entirely!
SlutsRule
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
Some problems with closing quotes, but ...
Excellent!
Keep writing.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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