The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

The Doctor
The Customer is Always Right
One of my first stories. Please be gentle, but criticism is accepted! 

Email me at for any questions, comments, critiques and possible ideas!
Average Scores:

Overall= 2, BE= 1, Characters= 3, Technical= 1

Your scene changes are really difficult to process. It's hard to tell who is where and when. I can definitely tell that English is not your first language. Here's the odd thing... it started fine, but then quickly went off the rails as it seemed you rushed the story.

It started with a single grammatical error... missing an S on a plural. Then it devolved into something horrid as you got farther in to it.

It's almost like you got so excited about moving the story along, you rushed the writing and quality suffered.

Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 1

Few comments. First, name the file something that matches the title "Document" is kind of vague. Two, have someone proofread and spell check your writing. There are endless grammatical errors, and I'm going to assume that english isn't your first language. Post up on the forums (err reddit now I guess) and ask for some help/feedback.

Definitely think that you should take this as a first draft and fix everything and re-submit it. The way it is now makes it very painful to read and stay on track from all the problems.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

Overall Enjoyment(How much did you like the story overall?)
1 2 3 4 5

BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
1 2 3 4 5

Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
1 2 3 4 5

Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
1 2 3 4 5

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