The story will be written without any overarching plan, just a series of sub-arcs about Deacon's adventures, each arc probably somewhere between 2-6 chapters long. If you have an idea for an arc you'd enjoy reading, or any other suggestions really, feel free to let me know via comment or email.
Please feel free to point out any spelling or grammatical mistakes, and I'll fix them immediately.
All constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.
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Deacon has recently moved from his small town in the country to the big city. Adjusting to life in the city is difficult, and just when things are starting to feel normal he recieves a gift from his grandfather, a ring which will "bring good luck".
This story is a series of Deacon's adventure with his new trinket, which true to its promise brings Deacon good luck but in way's he cannot believe possible.
Follow Deacon as his luck changes, reality subtle altering itself to give him everything he had ever desired and much more.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.00
- BE: 2.75
- Characters: 3.00
- Technical: 4.00
grandsin
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 4
A decent story but ends somewhat abruptly for me this may be due to the file being corrupted for me so you might want to try and fix that if possible.
Cilan
Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
It was an interesting read and I do hope to see more in the future. My biggest gripe is your use of cup sizes to determine the size of the breast. Larger cup size doesn't necessarily equal a larger breast. Also it's hard to imagine a specific size because of how greatly it varies from body type to body type. You'd be better off comparing to produce or objects for a more accurate description.
Muad
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 3
I partly agree with what Azilia wrote.
It was really enjoyable, even though it was quite short.
The length is good for a prologue to get the attention and excitement going, but i'd like to read longer installments in the future.
The expansion descriptions were not bad, but a little "going from outcome to outcome" to quote Azilia. I would go for less growth but more description. If you go big too soon the anticipation might get lost before the end. The more detail you give the better.
The grammar is decent with only a few mistakes, but you'll improve with time. :) I can help you with proofreading if you want.
And now for some shameless self-promotion.
I do 3D art as a hobby and if you want any illustrations, proofreading help or just some talk with somebody, hit me up at: muad3d dot deviantart dot com
Azilia
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 5
Pretty good. Not the best thing I've read but it was still enjoyable. My main gripe is that it isn't longer. I'm sure there are more installments to come, but what is there didn't really feel substantial. There was a lot of emphasis on "unnoticed" changes or just things he at first mistook. That is fine, except that was the only sort of growth description we are getting.
I would recommend maybe spending a little more time fleshing out the actual expansion itself. Right now you're mostly going from outcome to outcome. Including how Inessa's larger body has to bend for the trolley and has to struggle to fit into her clothes was a nice touch so kudos for that.
Overall it was not bad. Characters need a little more fleshing out but given the length, that's fine. I can't wait for more!
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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