This score doesn't really show my like for this story because although it was a great GTS story, it wasn't really a story for OFB. That being said, I absolutely loved it because of the setting alone. It hit home on a heaping ton of my kinks. I'll start to go through the individual scores.
Overall, I enjoyed it thoroughly. The setting was good and it seemed very interesting. I'm hoping there are sequels planned! I would say though that maybe it was a bit... limited. You did do some fine descriptions but that was about all. At times it felt a little same-y. I understand that men are getting weaker, but I thought that it might have been better if Frank had at put up a bit of resistance. Despite that though, it was good.
There are no on-stage growth scenes. So I have to give the BE a very low rating. I won't give it a completely awful score because there was a sort of evidence of growth. There was BE it was just not on-stage and never really explored. I hope that if you do sequels, you will have a lot more growth.
Character were... dull. They were fairly boring all things considered. Just blanket characters with default personalities. The silly wife, the out-of-place man, the strict boss, the flirty teen, the dominant cop. There was no real depth to any of them. Obviously this could be because the story is told in the first person, but from what I read, most of these characters were just dull.
Lastly, your technical writing is... not great. You're no Shakespeare but you're not awful either. I'll give you a mid-score for that because it was definitely readable. My only suggestion would be to avoid repetition such as "towering" and "mountainous" and to try and play around with figurative language. Use metaphors, symbols, etc. Just make your writing a bit more engaging and alluring.
Good luck with your future writing endeavors!
