The Overflowing Bra

The technical and vocab points are pretty low but the pacing and imagery are perfect for a smut piece. The story is fine as far as creativity and ideas, but you don't even mention what eye color the girl has- so that plus lack of variety of words makes it hard to read for some people. Don't worry about detailing every little thing but whenever you find yourself saying something very similar, mix it up with a little fact from the universe you're crafting and it helps bring the whole world to life in the reader's imagination. Hope that helps.

The grammar was terrible, the characters were cookie cutter and boring, and the sex was far too undescriptive for it to be interesting. However, your heart wasn't in the wrong place. You were trying to write smut, and smut with breasts getting bigger. And they did get big; you at least mentioned it often. You may not have been experienced in writing it, but you at least entertained my interests, even if I had to deal with the poor grammar and pacing. 4.5/10 

I can live with a wall of text. It was the poor writing that I couldn't stand. Your explicitly-stated character descriptions and very direct wording really showed how inexperienced you are at writing. You'd be wise to find out what "show, don't tell" means for a creative writing piece.
I have also seen worse organization in a story than yours. This does not excuse the poor quality of your editing.
Here are some rules about starting a new paragraph:
Start a new paragraph if there's a new speaker in a dialogue. You're going to have many short one-sentence paragraphs if two people are going back and forth, and that's okay.
Start a new paragraph if the setting changes. (a new location, some time has passed, etc.)
Start a new paragraph if there's a new topic. Each paragraph should have one and only one relatively small central topic.
Sorry that you're upset that people didn't like your story. All you can do is do a better job next time. Whether it be improving this story or writing a new one.

Yikes

Okay, I'll say something about the story itself.
It's not good.
It's really not good.
If AVGN did story reviews, this would create the Carlin Nine.
You found the TVTropes notability standard.
Your slaughter of innocent 0s and 1s has been declared a war crime.
And if this isn't a deliberate trollfic, it should be.

You're all a bunch of God dam grammar Nazis. I have found stories organized worse than mine. You didn't actually say anything about the story itself. Dam you all. Dam you all!  

wall of text

3500 words, 5 paragraphs. Nearly impossible to read.