“Menena’s Comeuppance” — This tale was a long time coming … but you didn’t really think I was going to let mean Menena get away with all the things she did to poor Barbara, eh? 24,000 words devoted to what Anosthea, the young apprentice mermaid witch, has in store for the proud MILF with the cold heart once she gets her hands — and fish tail — on Menena’s already huge bosom. Will Barbara’s good nature come to the rescue? -- This is a tale for the people who like their BE with a side order of revenge. Mind the interwoven timeline, though :-)
Comments always welcome, of course.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.14
- BE: 4.71
- Characters: 4.71
- Technical: 5.00
smartz
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Just the part with the 4 foot tongue makes me want to do things.
MadMacs2010
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
As always a finely crafted, beautifully written, well spun yarn Paul. Personally I would have like to find out a little more about what happened to Barbara after she saved Menena but I guess it would have been difficult as the story was written from Menena's point of view. I can't wait for your next excursion into Altaerna.
Red
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Beautifully written, marvelous ideas,top notch. Would be a much better story with a slant towards some more physical realism, while still retaining the essential premise and magic - see much more detailed critique in Gerard's comment-string in the Forum. If you can get past the spam - moderator, what the hell?
Minka
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Very good! I like your brand of magic description!
anon
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Ignore the moron. Fantastic work as always. And, of course, I'm eagerly awaiting the final chapter showing how Barbara was changed by that magic-soaked encounter on the beach. How much magic must be stored in her fantastic body now!
Bahamad
Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
As usual with a PaulGerard piece, the technical execution of the story was well done. Even though the two different time frames were very similar to one another in players and setting, you distinctly separated the two pieces through formatting of headers to draw attention and reasonable separation points.
While the stress and strain of the (anti?)hero's BE was tangible, the inclusion of the necklace's sentience and what felt like its personality gave a reprieve to what could have been a very different feeling situation. The BE itself definitely felt like it was targeting the usual PG sweet spots of lactation and physical sensations of actually being changed or attached to such girth.
The motivation of the characters felt reasonable, though the ferocity of A's approach to M's actions felt surprising. It was tough for me as a reader to really empathize with A's actions, as it felt like she was more just taking an opportunity to knowingly be malicious than actually avenge her just-found Feeder. I can understand that may be the actual case, but her reaction and quick turnaround of apology felt false in that case, with the book-ended relationship seeming to contradict that. If that was intentional, it just felt a little jarring (though the passion and role-playing felt convincing so well done).
A story with a focus towards BE (or posted on this site) doesn't mean plot can't be present, intricate, or have characters develop something outside of their measurements. Authors, don't let anyone tell you differently. After all, 98% of sex is above the ears.
CB
Overall= 1, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
Overcomplicated for a BE story imho. Can't fap to this.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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