The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Ethereal Vision
Gods and Fairies
Alexis from The New Girl and Clair from The late Blossom/The new Queen meet!  The new gods and goddesses become friends with the new fairies of the world and hatch a plan to make it a much better place.
Average Scores:

Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

I think the only thing that you should add is having the characters have A). more unique personality traits and, B). they should start having more interactions with ordinary people. I would also like to suggest that you try not to accidently use Synonyms : like rode and road.

Keep up the great work Ethereal,


Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 2

You seem to be going for plot over sex in this one--which is a bit of a problem, since you're still not really building the plot. The characters are largely interchangeable, and they don't seem to have much in the way of reactions, taking almost everything in stride. There's also no larger conflict or question to answer, since everything they want to happen is happening perfectly. (Of course, I wouldn't be complaining about this if you were writing a long sex romp with minimal plot--I'm only saying this because the sex feels so deemphasized here, like it's being included to fill a quota.)

I don't want to be all negative--Fiona has the potential to be an interesting character, and she has a few interesting reactions. I also think there's a lot of potential in these folks' attempts to convert the world around them--since they're not using force and they're not brainwashing people, they have the potential to get into more meaningful conflicts than transformation fiction's standard "be controlled, or else fight, lose, and then be controlled." You just need to build and expand on that potential.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
Due to comment spam, any new posts with http in them will be destroyed.
Your Nickname:

Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

Overall Enjoyment(How much did you like the story overall?)
1 2 3 4 5

BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
1 2 3 4 5

Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
1 2 3 4 5

Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
1 2 3 4 5

Your comments on the story: