VezRoth@gmail.com
Kendra, encouraged by her college professor goes out in to the forest to try and re-enact an ancient Native American ritual. She never actually expected to meet the goddess it was supposed to summon.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.86
- BE: 3.29
- Characters: 4.86
- Technical: 4.57
BB47
Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
I have to agree with MadMacs. The story is great, the idea is fantastic.. however I need more focus on OUR primary theme and reason for this site.., B.E. I can take almost any erotic story and add a little bit of expansion, but that does not make it a BE story. The expansion needs to be deliberate, descriptive and delicious.
MadMacs2010
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
I liked this story, it makes for a good grounding and I like the back story behind how the gods are believed into existence but they don't stop existing (does that mean there really is a wart gnome?). I docked you on BE description because it was so subtle that I missed it the first time and had to "double-take" the next time she noticed. I personally like there to be little more emphasis on the expansion, like a cognitive thought about her bra getting tight or describing how she might be noticing the sensations in her breasts, but I get that the goddess was deliberately being subtle so you used this as a device within the writing to show this, it's just not my bag, sorry. I also knocked you down a peg for the writing style when the main character was running with the goddess as I found the story jumped around from place to place with no transition which made it a little hard to follow, perhaps you could add a sort vertiginous sensation or a blurring of the surroundings between scenes that would explain to the reader they were rapidly moving between places rather then describing how they were running around the park in one sentence and then dancing in a night club in the next sentence, it was a little hard to keep up with where they were as the moments unfolded that was all. Otherwise a ripping yarn that I hope to read more of, please keep up the good work.
Kodos
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
This is a great story; I especially like that you took the time to write such vivid descriptions of everything while setting the scenes. The premise too, is a very intriguing one, though I do wish you would turn your fine descriptive talents to the BE parts of the story a bit more expansively. All the same, I do hope you've got a second chapter in the works.
Viddaric
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Very nice! Hoping to see more!
N
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
anon
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Xero
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
The story is good. Keep it going.
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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