A short story. Meant to be good reading material in addition to a good wank. This is my first erotic story, so let me know if the BE/sex/description ratio needs work.
Average Scores:
- Overall: 4.33
- BE: 3.50
- Characters: 3.67
- Technical: 4.25
Mohamed
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 1
What would I like to see Umm thats a can o worms to risk.I wouldn't mind Circle's heavy cav being Argus borne for twin mount aatctks of a combo bite mount attack.
Megamelonomaniac
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
Nice story, but it was over too soon-keep writing!
Jason G
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
Extremely well written- no typos, proper grammar, and a great story to boot! Please keep writing- you've got what it takes to do well here. Pdf not entirely necessary, but it works. Most folks release stuff in html or just plain txt to keep it universal, since not everyone runs windows or even a mac - i read stuff on my android phone.
FBC
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 4
Just like this is your first story, this is my first comment. I want you to know that you should definitely continue writing. Your first story definitely shows potential and- more importantly- shows your potential.
zepo
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Very nice direct and to the point! A little set up but not too much. Linger on the physical descriptions + touch feel etc.
Thanks,
Zepo
Zoll2008
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
I liked it. Short and to the point. I would love to see you expand on the story.
anon
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 5
I like your style, man. can' t wait to see more of your stories here
ktc
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5
I enjoy that this rating system can be "opinion" based, where the number is just a representation of how I felt about it, or it can be used technically where the number is an actual representation of how I think you did out of a possible 5 points. In this case, and the majority of mine really, it's the first and I feel you are a perfectly good new writer all by your lonesome. More descriptive boobs would be cool, a character comparing their size to fruits and sports balls is a common good method to tell the reader "They are this big" that could be both comical and informative. Some people prefer the description without the physical comparison, justifying their dislike by saying that you're "being a lazy writer" to which I also agree. The best kinds of descriptions tend to not need the comparison. What I disagree with is the lazy comment, some perfectly good BE stories have used the comparison method while others don't. I think you're more suited for the latter style, using words and descriptions to show the reader their size not related to a sports ball or fruit. Saying things like "Visible from behind" and "They reached her belly button" for example are examples of the second method which you clearly used. Look forward to more.
Kodos
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 5
On one hand, I'd love to have seen a bit more detail and description, but that's just me. At the same time, you've written an exceptionally tight and well-done short story here. It's tough to work interesting characters who leave you wanting more and a good sex scene in just four pages, but that's just what you've done. Definitely keep up the good work!
deus
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 5
Good stuff. I'd love to see this extended into a longer story.
TC
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Very good overall, I'd like to see more of this. Could do with a little more description, but overall, very solid work.
Dude
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4
Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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