The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

State of Emergency - The Beginning
For every outbreak there must be a patient zero. When Daniel Turner stumbles upon an experiment gone awry in his father's lab he unwittingly becomes the carrier of one of the most bizarre plagues the world has ever seen, and plunges the country into a state of emergency. Based on the world of Dexter Sinister. Comments welcome. 
Average Scores:

Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 4
I love this one but part two was even better! Where did it go?
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

Awesome story! Please write more. I will be waiting.

Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

Well done! I cannot wait to see what changes are in store next. Hope to see part two soon!

Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

When I was done reading it, was really disappointed there was not more! Quite the cliffhanger, so much possible. I like how you don't focus just on BE, Fan of the weird but not too crazy TF's.

Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4

Really enjoyed the story. However, I think you need to pay a bit more attention to consistent descriptions and physical feasibility. For instance, you described the boy as having 3 penises, each a foot long and seven inches (!) wide. This is about the size of a full roll of paper towels... times three. If he's got anything hiding between those, he certainly can't see it. Self-intercourse would be impossible as well -- try bending a full roll of paper towels back on itself. Then you described one "snaking around his leg" -- something that is more than half as wide as it is long does not do that very well. Then you described him having intercourse with Amy -- a 7-inch-wide organ would certainly not have been able to penetrate her without killing her. Not even close. Probably the biggest size that could do that would be about three inches or so wide (about the width of a beer bottle).

I think you need to be a bit more careful to visualize sizes, dimensions, and positions consistently when you are writing.

Also, human reactions are important. Would the boy's first reaction to his change be to figure out to hide it? Really? From his father, the one person who might be able to provide help or explanation? Seems like a very dumb move. If he is not going to tell his father, he should have a VERY good reason why not, not just because "the plot demands it". Think in terms of what set of circumstances would cause that particular character to act this way.

Anyway, the above criticisms aside, I thought this looked promising, and I hope you continue it. Tweaking this first section with the above in mind might be a good idea, though.

As far as other transformations -- you don't need to go hugely bizarre with a bunch of separate and distinct transformations for each character. The more you add, the less you are describing the impact of each one. Even a single relatively minor change can radically affect someone's lifestyle, after all, depending on what it is. It would probably be better to think in terms of consistency of the changes to each other, so the changes to each person seem to fit some kind of a theme.

Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

A "children of" story. No thanks. Not interested. Seemed fine up until that point and I stopped.

I Like ( o )Y( o )
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

Really one of the few gems here - cannot wait for the next installment!

Thank you greatly for your work and sharing.

Dexter Sinister
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

Hey, that was great! Thanks! :)

Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

This was a real pleasure to read, both technically and creatively. My only real peeve was the description of the breast growth. Rather than using cup sizes (because frankly, even as a woman, they don't always give a good idea how big someone is depending on their size and the whackiness in manufacturers ;) ), try to use some other means of describing the growth.

I'm looking forward to seeing your future work.

Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4

Cool freaky changes. Can't wait for more.

Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

best story i've read in a while

Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

Enjoyed the story but if your going to comment on your own story giving yourself 5's is kind of cheating isn't it? Use 3's if anything to keep the rating fair.

Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

I'm not normally a fan of "weird" transformations, but I've always enjoyed Dexter Sinister's two original "State of Emergency" stories, and I think you've done them proud with this prequel. The fact that each person's transformation is controllable to a certain degree definitely has a lot of potential, and I'm looking forward to see how you make use of that potential in the following parts.

Sir Wallace
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

Hi! Thank you so much for the kind words. There were a few pre-story notes I forgot to leave out before I posted and since the OVB forums seem to be overflowing with spam I'll post them here.

I understand that there wasn't a lot of breast expansion in part 1 and I assure you, breast expansion being my primary 'thing' we're going to really amp it up in part 2. That being said, I've never been huge into transformation and I struggle to come up with new ideas of the freaky variety.

I want your input! Right now we're looking at 3 new transformations in part 2 and I want to do 'em right. If you've got ideas (or suggestions, or offers to proofread, or hate mail) shoot me an email at or post them here in the comments. Proofreading especially, I rarely proofread and most of the sections emerge as-is.

You may notice that there are subtle cameos in the story from other characters in OVB stories. Send or post a character and, as things progress in parts 2 & 3 I'll do my best to place them in the story. This started as a bet and became a passion project so I plan to see it all the way to the end.

Thanks all!

Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4

I cannot wait to read more. I personally thought it was one of the more unique stories I've read.
PLEASE keep up the great work.

Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

Keep the freaky coming

Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4

I mirror what Brit said. Freaky, but really hot. Please continue.

Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

Great start. kinda freaky, but really hot. Needs more BE for this site.

Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

Excellent! Looking forward to the next chapter!

Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

oh looking forward to more

I Think
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4

Very enjoyable story! I have a few things to nitpick about, though; just remember that these are just little things that would make an effective story even better. Firstly, I noticed a few spelling mistakes (I do not particularly recall grammar mistakes). Secondly, there are some ideas (mostly regarding science) that do not quite work; for example, writing a paper on gene splicing is not really something you can have writer's block with... These are minor details to most people, but especially annoy people who are more science-minded. All-in-all, though, such distractions in your story were few. I do suggest asking someone to proofread your work, though, to catch the little things and help polish the story! I would be willing to do this - if you would like, we could exchange emails or something. I'd love to see more! Good work :)

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Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

Overall Enjoyment(How much did you like the story overall?)
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BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
1 2 3 4 5

Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
1 2 3 4 5

Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
1 2 3 4 5

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