The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

the sticky note - re-upload!
first story hope you like it... comments appreciated! hopefully ill make more!
Average Scores:

Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

I wish that you had continued the story further. I use arial typpe all the time. It didn't bother me. Now the file type is my pet peeve. Anything but MS, or TXT. Consider open office, its free!

I tihnk you should continue w/ the story line. Maybe beef up the BE a little.

I also didn't get y the pause at work w/ the be.

All in all a good story. Keep working at it.

Overall= 1, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

hello guys it me, i have read the comments and i agree with them: i did choose an awful font and the BE's were rushed as well with the rest f the story. i hope to revisit this story and make it better and maybe add another part!

that-guy-next-door 31/09/12!

Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

have a good idea with the revenge. i have a dirk-side with inflation stories. never to big! Just wasn,t enought. try something with an ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend. if you can alter females why not nem? I have lots of sick inflation stories in my head, i just can,t write. your on the right path, looking forward to see more of your work.

Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 3

馬鹿外人 is correct here. You have a good idea, but you should flesh out this story to it's full potential! Take your time creating a character, and describing the BE.

Overall= 1, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 3

Not the worst story on the site, but definitely would qualify as a polished first draft/outline.

The stories that do well in terms of content and overall enjoyment typcially are at least 5 pages, in 11pt serif font (Times, instead of Arial for example).

There are significant plot points missing, whole paragraphs missing, or without connectives. The part of Helen coming to believe that there IS power behind this odd stick-note- a Deus ex machina (a plot device ala Star-Trek's transporters)- is completely MIA.

Another problem is that the main character is hardly believable. The likely first reaction to the genie being "I can't believe this," instead of "I wonder if I could turn into a man."

Typically, a writer goes through an iterative process to flesh out a story, what could of been a 2 page lead into the rest of the story was compressed into "Her boss, Miss Kingleton, had almost fired her for 'arguing' with a customer." The way the word arguing was single quoting hints that the main character disagreed with the bosses interpretation of things, but does nothing to 'argue her case' with the reader.

The second paragraph might also be a better draw in if it was placed in contrast to another person, say Miss Kingleton: maybe older, fatter after having children, but extremely busty (maybe a result of nursing several years in a row). Otherwise you might as well describe a person in this way:

Name: Helen
Boobs: None
Legs: Long
Age: 28
Hair: Brunette
Teenage wish: Wants big boobs

My suggestion might be to not worry about the negative comments that you're seeing, and use these 2 pages as a blueprint to make your story lenger, more fleshed out, and overall just- better.

At each point in the story read through and ask questions about it. EG: In the first paragraph; what is the argument about? Was Helen sent home after a meeting? What went on to cause Helen to almost be fired?

Overall= 2, BE= 1, Characters= 2, Technical= 1

The font was indeed horrid, but even after I changed that, things didn't get much better. The previous reviews pretty much say it all: flat characters, uninteresting plot, way to rushed. I actually think that there is a kernel of a good idea in here, but the execution was just bad.

Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 2, Technical= 1

Oh god the font. My eyes are bleeding as I type this

Overall= 1, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

The font choice was very poor, unfortunately. The characters were bland, and the writing was terrible. The breast growth at the end happened too quickly.

All in all, I was quite unimpressed.

Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 1, Technical= 2

That font is weird and rather hard to read.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

Overall Enjoyment(How much did you like the story overall?)
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BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
1 2 3 4 5

Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
1 2 3 4 5

Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
1 2 3 4 5

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